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v;^'"
.^^ SsH-' .-
CHILD NATURE
AND
CHILD NURTURE
Hitherto too muck reUtwe sites . has Oeen laid upon ju
duties of children to parents, while too little attention has been given
to the duties of parents to their children, — James Joronkot.
TJFE in Ike Making
Child Nature
Child Nurture
A TEXT-BOOK FOR PARENTS' CLASSES, MOTHERS'
CLUBS, TRAINING CLASSES FOR TEACHERS OF
YOUNG CHILDREN, AND FOR HOME STUDY
BY
EDWARD PORTER ST. JOHN
A.M., PD.M.j;^
Professor in the Hartford School of
Religious Pedagogy
C. R. ^- *^'
THE PILGRIM PRESS
BOSTON MEW YORK CHICAGO
^ducattelf
..S/4
Copyright^ IQIT
Bt Edwakd Porter St. Jobk
Enkred at Stationers' ffally London
All rights reserved
Reprinted September, 1917
THS PILGRIM PRESS
BOSXOir
f. /
^ ^ - /
PREFACE
The topics that are discussed in this little book
are all related to the training of young children.
Occasionally suggestions are offered as to the
application of the principles that are presented
to the shaping of the characters of children who
are over twelve years of age, but it is chiefly to
guard against the danger of misunderstanding
or misapplication of the methods that are recom*
mended for use with those who are younger. The
difficult problems that rise in the training of the
adolescent boy or girl have purposely been reserved
for future volumes, as in many cases the methods
to be used with them must be very different, —
indeed sometimes almost the reverse of those that
will be most helpful with the young child.
Even in fhis limited field of the moral educa-
tion of the young child the lessons deal with only
a part of the fundamental problems that every
parent must face. In a companion volume others
of these will be discussed in a similar way, especial
attention being given to the matters that most
intimately concern the child's religious training.
The lessons are designed to be suggestive only.
The aim has been clearly to pttssentajM^ funda-
mental principles tha^^abe^^W^^^fll^riefly to
indicate their applica||!|i\ nr methods that are
best of the most availabl
useful in the home, to refer thfiysU^^t to the
[^^'iQnef oiscu^siomt j;^
PREFACE
the various topics, and to suggest for discussion
practical problems of the kinds that are continu-
ally arising in every home.
The lessons are especially designed for use in a
class or club, and the value of the course of study
will be greatly enhanced if it is carried on by a
group of parents or teachers who discuss with
the greatest freedom every proposition that
appears in the lessons or that is suggested by the
members of the class.
The lessons have been inspired by the writer's
own strong interest in the topics with which they
deal and the practical problems of parenthood
which they discuss, and by the stimulating ques-
tions and wise suggestions that have come to him
from many mothers and fathers. Their especial
aim is to aid in moral and religious education in
the home, for here, the writer believes, the most
telling work of character-building is to be done.
They present an attempt to bring in untechnical
form the best educational thought of the day to
the aid of fathers and mothers, whose work, not
in spite of, but because of, its very informality,
is more effective than any that is done in the
schools. The suggestions are offered with no
thought that the writer has himself solved the
probkms of child-training. Indeed the desire that
others may be saved from some of the mistakes
that he has made is no small part of his motive
in presenting them. No one could regret their
imperfections more than their author does, but
if they lead parents to take their work as edu-
cators morie seriously, to study their children
more thoughtfully, and to consider the little things
of home life in the light of their effect upon the
[vi]
PREFACE
characters of their children, they will have served
their largest purpose.
Much of the material has already been pub-
lished in The Pilgrim Teacher^ The Sunday-School
Journal^ The Westminster Teachery and The Sun^
day-School Magazine^ and has thus received a cir-
culation of about four hundred thousand copies.
The reception that has been accorded to it has
prompted to publication in this more permanent
form.
Ivii]
CONTENTS
PAGE
Preface v
Chapter I. HOW TO USE THE LESSONS . i
Chapter U. CHILD NATURE AND
CHILD NURTURE
Lesson i Nature and Nurture .... lo
Chapter III. TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH THE
PHYSICAL LIFE
Lesson 2 The Training of the Appetite . 14
Lesson 3 Dealing with the Restless
Child 19
Lesson 4 Dealing with the Nervous Child 23
Lesson 5 Teaching the Child about Sex 27
Chapter IV. HOW TO DEAL WITH
THE CHILD'S FEARS
Lesson 6 The Meaning of the Child's
Fears 32
Lesson 7 How to Deal with Different
Kinds of Fear ^35
lixl
CONTENTS
PAGE
Lesson 8 The Place of Fear in Home
Discipline 38
Lesson 9 The Place of Fear in Religious
Education 41
Chapter V. HOW TO DEAL WITH
THE ANGRY CHILD
Lesson 10
Lesson ii
Lesson 12
When Anger is a Virtue. . .
How to Train the Anger Impulse
How TO Deal with Fits of
Passion
46
49
52
Chapter VL THE TRAINING OF
THE LOVE IMPULSE
Lesson 13 The Nature of Love and the
Uses that it Serves - * • S7
Lesson 14 Training the Child to Love . 61
Chapter VII. TRAINING THE CHILD IN
UNSELFISHNESS AND KINDNESS
Lesson 15
The Nature of Altruistic
Feeling
Lesson 16 The Natural Development of
Unselfishness
Lesson 17 The Culture of Unselfishness
Lesson i8 Some Things to Avoid. . , .
67
70
74
77
CONTENTS
Lesson 19 The Moral Value of Playing
WITH Dolls
Lesson 20 Training in Kindness to the
Lower Animals
Training the Child in Courtesy
Training the Child to an Inter-
est IN Missions
Lesson 21
Lesson 22
PAGE
80
B3
87
91
Chapter VIIL TRAINING THE CHILD TO
REGARD PROPERTY RIGHTS
Lesson 23
How THE Sense of
Rights Develops .
Property
97
Lesson 24 Training the Child in Honesty 100
Lesson 25 Training the Child to Prudence
AND Frugality 102
Lesson 26 Training the Child in Generosity 105
Ixi]
ILLUSTRATIONS
Life in the Making Frontispiece
A Little Mother 66
listening to the Birds 82
Child Nature and Child
Nurture
HOW TO^USE THE LESSONS
Gathering a Class. — The first step is to gather
as large a group as possible of those who are par-
ents and who are really interested in the moral
and religious education of their children. Do
not forget that it is a parents^ class. Some unmar-
ried or childless persons would surely be helpful
in such classes, and they should not be made
unwelcome, but it will certainly favor the success
of the plan if ordinarily membership is limited
to those who have a personal interest in the
parents' problems, and who have had some meas-
ure of experience in attempting their solution.
Often a kindergartner or teacher who has stud-
ied and worked with children, who realizes that
her experience has not duplicated that of any
mother, and who is sufficiently tactful to refrain
from dogmatism and the assumption of leader-
ship will contribute largely to the interest and
profit of the study.
Young mothers are likely to be most apprecia-
tive of the privileges of sudh a class and, by
exchanging the results of their experience and read-
[1]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
i^gy ^ group made up wholly of such individuals
could be exceedingly helpful; but if some older
mothers who have had successful experience can
be induced to join, they can contribute much to
the helpfulness of the discussions. It should not
be forgotten that the parents who, if left to them-
selves, would wholly neglect such opportunities
are the ones who most need them, and when
a nucleus of those who are really in earnest has
been secured, such others should be encouraged
to attend the class.
The Sunday school offers the best opportunity
for the organization of classes in most commu-
nities. To encourage and supervise such work
Parents' Departments have been organized in
many schools. This department is coordinate
with the normal department, the home depart-
ment, and the other usual departments pi the
school. It should have its superintendent, as
do the others, who should be recognized as a
regular officer of the school. At first there will
perhaps be need of but one class, and that is
likely to be made up of young mothers; but if
the work is started there is sure to be a demand
for classes for parents of adolescent boys and
girls, for those who wish to take a more advanced
course, one for fathers only, and perhaps still
others.
In some schools the parents of the children in
the junior or the primary departments have been
gathered in classes that are held under the aus-
pices of those departments. This plan helps
the Sunday school at the same time that it aids
the home, as it naturally increases the interest
of the parents in the Sunday-school training of
[2]
HOW TO USE THE LESSONS
their children and fits them for more intelligent
cooperation with the teachers.
In other schools the lessons are studied, by the
teachers of these elementary departments and the
parents of the children who attend them, in a
meeting held for this purpose at some time dur-
ing the week. Thus it serves as a course in teacher
training for the teachers.
The leader of the class. — The selection of a
leader for the class is a matter of great impor-
tance, and if possible it should be settled in advance
after consultation by the pastor, superintendent,
and others who are interested in that phase of
the work of the Church. Sometimes a local
mothers' club will suggest the desirable person.
But if the right leader cannot be found in advance
the choice may be deferred until a group of stu-
dents has been secured, when the most efficient
one may be selected from their number. It
should be understood that what is needed is not
a teacher who shall furnish the class with ideas,
but a leader who shall tactfully draw out the
thoughts and experiences of the members, give
the results of such reading as cannot be reported
by others, and see that the discussions are led
into the most helpful channels. If the leader
can in a brief sentence or two interpret the experi-
ence of some member who is not quick to grasp
a principle, harmonize different statements that
are not really inconsistent, and especially summa-
rize at the close the principles and methods that
have been discussed, so much the better.
The method of conducting the class. — Too
strong emphasis cannot be placed upon the fact
that the lesson outlines are not to be regarded
[3]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
by members of the class as dogmatic statements
of final truth which need only to be accepted or
memorized, but as bases of conversation and dis-
cussion. Every statement in the lesson should
be put to the test of the approval of the class.
Wherever it is possible the leader should take
especial pains to secure from the experiences
of members illustrations of the points under dis-
cussion. Nothing will add to the interest of the
members in the work of the class. But it will
do more than that. In the best possible way
it will help parents to apply the principles and
methods under discussion.
It is exactly at this point that the greatest fail-
ure in our teaching occurs, both- in the Sunday
school and in the Church. The formality of the
sermon denies the preacher this opportunity. The
teacher should make the most of the privilege
which counts for much in so many ways.
The freer the expression of personal opinion
and the larger the contribution from the experi-
ences of the members of the class, the more valu-
able will the study be. And this is true even
though some of the ideas that are so presented
are manifestly incorrect. Such an expression of
opinion makes it possible for the leader or some
member of the class to advance arguments that
may correct a misapprehension that otherwise
would have been undiscovered; and if this is not
accomplished the error of one person often fur-
nishes a background for the lesson which makes
its teachings far more impressive to other mem-
bers of the class.
Anything like dogmatism in teaching is unwise,
however assured one may be of one's position.
[41
HOW TO USE THE LESSONS
People who cannot be convinced by clear state-
ments of principle which are illustrated by experi-
ences of every-day life will not yield to mere
assertion. Hence no one, whether teacher or
member, should be supposed to give the final and
authoritative deliverance upon any subject. The
concern of the leader and of each member should
be to see that which is believed to be the right
view is clearly and fairly presented.
Reading should be encouraged, and reports
from those who do it should be called for, but the
more the members can be led to the discussion
of their own experiences and methods the more
interesting and helpful the study will be. If
they are slow to take part in this way, introduce
some concrete case, such as they must deal with
in their homes, and the discussion will not lag.
The lesson outlines that appear in these pages
are designed to form a basis for such discussions.
Limitations of space permit them to be merely
suggestive, but if they are used as indicated above,
and especially if the members are encouraged to
read upon the subjects that are under discus-
sion, their brevity will not be a disadvantage.
Suggestions for further reading. — It will be
noted that with each group of lessons a number
of readings* are suggested. All of these are really
valuable. It will be well if these can be assigned
to different members, who should be asked to
report such helpful ideas as they find in connec-
tion with each of the topics. Most of the books
to which reference is made will be found in
public libraries. If they are not already upon the
shelves, it is always possible to secure the pur-
chase of books of this kind by application to
(51
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
the proper authorities. In many places the
state libraries or the state educational authorities
will furnish from ten to twenty-five such books,
which may be kept for periods of from three to
nine months, at merely nominal expense.
It will be particularly helpful if the Church or
Sunday school can purchase a small library of
books for the use of such a class, and for general
circulation in the parish. Where the books are
available in none of these ways, the members of
a class may be urged to purchase each a single
book, from readings in which reports can be made
to the class. If each member purchases a differ-
ent book a wide range of thought will be avail-
able, and the books will be permanently valuable
in the homes.
To help those who are ready to take either of
these steps the following brief list is suggested.
The books may be obtained from the publishers
of this book at the prices indicated, or the first
five on the list, which would perhaps form the
best selections for schools which cannot purchase
all at one time, will be furnished for four dollars.
The entire list will be furnished for eight dollars
and twenty-five cents.
Beckonings from Little Hands ^ by Patterson Du Bois,
75 cents net.
A Study of Child Nature^ by Elizabeth Harrison,
jJi.oo net.
Childhood^ by Mrs. Theodore Birney, $i.oo net.
Hints on Child Trainings by H. Clay Trumbull, $1.25.
Bringing up BoySy by Kate Upson Clark, 50 cents.
Household Education^ by Harriet Martineau, $1.25.
The Unfolding Life^ by Antoinette Lamoreaux, 75
cents.
[6]
HOW TO USE THE LESSONS
Child Culture in the Hotne^ by Martha B. Mosher^
$i,oo.
Gentle Measures in the Training of the Young, by
Jacob Abbott, $1.25.
Nursery Ethics, by Florence Winterbum, $1.00.
Sources of inspiration and help. — The National
Congress of Mothers, the office of which is at
806 Loan and Trust Building, Washingtwi, D.C.,
is an organization which seeks to establish and
aid Mothers' Clubs, Parents' and Teachers'
Associations, and similar organizations that are
working in the interests of child welfare. It
has fifteen departments dealing with different
phases of the subject, and publishes much useful
literature. Chief among this is the Childr-Welfare
Magazine^ which is issued ten times a year at a
subscription price of fifty cents. There are
state organizations auxiliary to the National
Council in the various states, and the officers of
these are always ready to assist those who are
studying the problems of motherhood.
I7l
II
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
There are two great influences that shape the
character of the child. These are heredity and
environment, or nature and nurture. The first
is by far the mightier force. It sets limits beyond
which the influences of the second cannot go.
Through its influence parents, by their own sins
and failures, may mar the lives of their children;
but, happily, human nature which has been shaped
through the ages past cannot be wholly corrupted
in one or two generations. The child of evil
parents commonly has the germs of a large
share of the virtues of mankind in his make-up«
Whether these or the grosser tendencies of his
immediate ancestors shall develop is determined
chiefly by nurture. One cannot obtain figs from
thistles, but even a diseased tree can be made
to produce beautiful and wholesome fruit if it
is given the right culture. When to good hered-
ity wise training is added, good character is
assured^ Alas that what we really are> rather than
our unattained ideals, determines what the inner
natures of our children shall be! Alas that when
we attempt to correct by training the defects of
character we have bequeathed we should so often
lack the skill to wisely use the methods which we
approve.
18]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
A good heredity is the best heritage that a
parent can give a child. But though it is not
the strongest power to shape character, nurture,
or training, is surpassingly important to the
parent, for after the chila is bom it offers to
him the sole opportunity to shape the child's
life. If this educational work is well done it will
be because the plans for nurture are in harmony
with the laws of nature. Indeed, the most that
the parent can do is to cooperate with God in
his plans for the making of a man or woman from
the child.
The lessons in this book deal with the facts of
child nature which condition all the effort of the
parent to shape the child's character, and with
methods of training that seem to be in harmony
with the divine plan.
The following references are designed to guide
the student's reading on the subject of the rela-
tion of the child's natural development to the
training that he should receive: ihf Unfolding
Life J by Antoinette A. Lamoreaux, pp. 11-35;
A Study of Child Nature^ by Elizabeth Harrison,
pp. 9-12; Principles of Religious Education^
chapter on The Religious Content of the Child
Mind, by G. Sunlcy Hall, pp. 161-192; The
Development of the Childj by Nathan Oppen-
heim, pp. i-io; The Making bf Character^ by John
McCunn, pp. 1-52; Household Education^ by Har-
riet Martineau, pp. 31-62; The Natural Way^ by
Patterson DuBois, pp. S4--68; Lutheran Teacher-
Training Course^ by Luther A. Weiele, pp. 9-14;
The Story of the Mindj by James Mark Baldwin,
pp. 166-199.
[9]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson 1. Nature and Nurture
Let U8 give the children the right start in life, and
let 118 begin at the very beginning.
— Paul Carus.
Nature must be reckoned with or nurture cannot
be reckoned on. — Patterson Du Bois.
The life comes from God complete in its possibil*
ities, but at the beginning all is in germ.
— Antoinette A. Lamoreaux.
Teaching is essentially the response of the adult to
the moral and intellectual need and readiness of the
child, — Anon.
One of the greatest lines of the world's work lies
before us: the understanding of little children, in order
that they may be properly trained.
— Elizabeth Harrison.
A little more allowance given to the primal fact
that a child is alive, and is a child, and lives therefore
according to childhood's laws, would sometimes stay
a too hasty interference with manifestations of pure
child4ife and child nature.
— H. Thistleton Mark.
What determines whether or not any course that I
choose to lay out for my child either in the physical
or spiritual realm is nurture? Manifestly the child's
nature itself, his life forces and their laws of action
must be the determining factor.
— Patterson DuBois.
Nurture them in the training and admonition of
the Lord. — Eph. 6: 4.
[lol
I
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
No amount of " child study " will save teacher or
mother the trouble of studying her own children.
Even a little, however, may helpfully guide her in
that task. — Edward Porter St. John.
The child differs by nature from the adult —
In many ways this is true. In his physical life
it is very apparent. The young child's head is
fully twice 2ls large in proportion to its entire
body as that of an adult, while its legs are little
more than half as long. Its muscles have but
half of the relative weight, while certain glands
are proportionately fifty times as large as in mature
life. In the way he thinks the differences are as
clear. The child is influenced far more by the
suggestion contained in the act of another, in a
picture or a story, than by appeal to laws of cause
and effect. When he attempts to reason, it is
largely by analogy, and if one attempts to give
him knowledge of a kind that he cannot gain
through the direct action of his senses, his ideas
are often ludicrously grotesaue. His feelings are
intense, but they are short-lived. If one wishes
to stir a particular emotion it must commonly
be done bv an appeal to his senses. The lesson
for the child must surely differ from that for the
adult.
As he grows older the child passes through
several stages of development — The transition
to the conditions of adult life is not a uniformly
gradual process. For several years at a time
development is rather slow and along uniform
lines; then comes a period of rapid change, which
opens a new stage of life in which interests and
aptitudes are different, and new methods of
In]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
training are demanded. The most important
of these changes comes at about twelve years of
age and divides childhood from adolescence,
both of which are further subdivided in a similar
way. He who deals with children of widely
differing ages in the same way courts failure.
It is with the problems of training which arise
before adolescence that this book chiefly deals.
Children naturally differ in temperament. —
All differ as children from adults, and all pass
through stages of development that are substan-
tially the same; but each child has his own per-
sonality, his own way of reacting to what goes on
about him. The most obvious distinction of
this kind is between the active child and the
thoughtful child, and this difference may com-
monly be seen in any family where there are
several children. The child of the one type
thinks and feels deeply, and permanent impres-
sions are made. The other acts promptly and
vigorously but only a superficial impression is
made. The one is careful; the other heedless.
The one screams when punished and perhaps
fights, but soon forgets; the other makes little
resistance or outcry, but sulks for hours. Many
other contrasts will occur to parents and teachers.
It is obvious that the same method will not be
equally effective in each case.
These facts are hints of God's ways of shaping
the child's life. — Through the orderly processes
of nature the child is receiving the better part
of his education. The most and the best that
the parent or teacher can do is to cooperate with
God in this work. Out of the needs and oppor-
tunities of the child's nature the best guidance
[12]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
in the planning of lessons and methods of train-
ing must come. The methods that have been
approved by the experience of the past are not
to be lightly discarded, but the final test must
always be their results in shaping the nature of
the particular child in whose training they are
to be used. It is as an aid to the understanding
of child nature that the investigations of child
study aid the parent. It is from the point of
view here suggested that each topic discussed in
the following lessons is approached.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSIONS
1. Henry Ward Beecher said that if a child were well born the
first time he would be willing to take the chances that he would be
bom again. What did he mean? Do you agree with him?
2. Mention some definite happenings in your own home that
show the child's point of view diners from that of the adult.
3. Point out some changes that you have noticed in your children
as they grew older.
4. Have you noticed marked differences of temperament in chil-
dren of the same parents ? Give particulars.
5. Have you known of cases ot children of bad heredity who were
brought up under good influences and became worthy people?
6. Have you known of children who in spite of very unwise train-
ing turned out well? If^so, how do you explain it?
1 13]
Ill
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS THAT ARE
ASSOCIATED WITH THE PHYSICAL LIFE
Lesson II. The Training of the Appetite
In two ways appetite is related to moral life.
It largely conditions bodily health and the whole-
someness of mental processes, and so affects
the susceptibility of the soul to the higher spiri-
tual impressions that should lift it above low and
selfish aims and standards. Again, the instincts
that are associated with the satisfaction of bodily
needs are so fundamental in their relation to
human nature that their perversion easily leads
to faults that are more distinctly moral in their
nature. The references below deal with both the
preservation of health and the moral problems
that are involved.
The Care and Training of Children^ by Le Grand
Kerr, pp. 38-58; The Care of the Child in Heal^, by
Nathan Oppenheim, pp. 70-110; The Education of
Man^ by rriedrich Frocbcl, Appleton's Edition, pp.
60-63; ^ Study of Child Nature y by Elizabeth Har-
rison, pp. 39-56; The Study of the Child, by A. R. Tay-
lor, pp. 12-17; Christian Nurture, by Horace Bushnell,
pp. 271-288; Making the Best of Our Children, by Eliza-
beth Harrison, pp. 45-52; Hints on Child Training, by
H. Clay Trumbull, pp. 109-118.
[14]
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
Feed me with the food that is needful for me: lest
I be lull, and deny thee, and ^ay, Who is the Lord?
— Prov. 30 : 8, 9.
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever
ye do, do all to the glory of God.
— I CoR. 10:31.
Nature intended that taste and digestion should
be warm friends: we have often made them bitter
enemies. — A. R. Taylor.
A child's appetite in its original normal state can
be retained if the proper measures are adopted from
the beginning. — Martha B. Mosher.
Impressions, inclinations, appetites, which the child
may have derived from his food, the turn it may have
given to his senses and even to his life as a whole, can
only with difficulty be set aside, even when the age of
self-dependence has been reached.
— Friedrich Froebel.
The child i^ taken, when his training begins, in a
state of naturs^lness, as respects all the bodily tastes
and tempers, and the endeavor should be to keep him
in that key; to let no stimulation of excess, or deli-
cacy, disturb the simplicity of nature, and no sensual
pleasuring, in the name of food, become a want or
expectation of his appetite.
— Horace Bushnell.
The great principle and foundation of all virtue and
worth is placed in this: that a man is able to deny him-
self his own desires, cross his own inclinations, and
purely follow what reason directs as best, though the
appetite lean the other way. — John Locke.
I am impressed more and more with the fact that
children, as a general rule, are in greater need of atten-
tion to their hygienic surroundings, the perfecting
[iSl
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
of their nutrition, and perchance the careful adminis-
tration of a suitable tonic, than they are of discipline.
— Le Grand Kerr.
A normal appetite is the instinctive impulse to
provide the body with the nourishment that it
needs. — Not only does a normal appetite prompt
to the taking of food in sufficient quantities to
maintain bodily welfare, but it also exercises a
selection as to the kind of food that shall be taken.
Unless it has been perverted it is in the main a
safe guide as to diet, because through the long
past of the human race it has been shaped by
man's needs. Thus sweet foods are naturally
attractive to children because sugar is rich in
certain food values. So things that are bitter
or very sour are distasteful because if they are
taken in large quantities they are commonly
harmful, while things that are disgusting or nau-
seating are those that offer least nourishment or
that most endanger health. Not only is it true
that the most valuable foods are commonly pal-
atable, but it has been found that the processes
of digestion are more readily and fully completed
in case of food that is relished.
The appetite may be perverted by persistent
use of improper diet. — Except as it is due to
disease this is the only way in which morbid appe-
tites are formed. Since instinctive appetite,
as we have seen, works directly against the forma-
tion of such habits, they are very rarely spontane-
ous. Almost invariably they are due to the use
of a diet that is provided or urged upon the child
by adults, as in case of highly seasoned foods,
condiments, etc., or to the overcoming of nat-
[i6]
DRAINING THE INSTINCTS
\
ural tastes because of strong social influences,
as in case of the use of tobacco and stimulants.
Under such circumstances appetite at first pro-
tests against the use of such substances, and pain
or discomfort follows, but the system so adapts
itself to the new food that is forced upon it that
while harmful effects continue the appetite comes
to demand it.
A child's appetite may be kept wholesome by
regiilarly providing suitable food and removing
the inducements to use that which is harmful. —
Thus habit reinforces instinct and the child's
welfare is doubly guarded. In planning a child's
diet the parent must realize that his requirements
are in many ways different from those of the adult,
and that if his real needs are satisfied there is
much less danger that he will desire unsuitable
food. Often abnormal appetites (such as the
desire to eat chalk, which is common among school
children) are due to a lack of certain necessary
elements of diet. Books to which references
are made above indicate what the important needs
of the child are, and what foods best supply them.
Habits of indidging appetite at the expense of
physical welfare tend toward moral laxness. — If
the pleasure which is associated with the use of
suitable food as an aid to its selection is made
an end in itself to the detriment of health, the
perversion of appetite is not the only evil result.
These instincts which are designed to conserve
bodily welfare are so fundamental in their nature
and have so large a place in the early life of the
child tha^ if they are abused, habits of self-indul-
gence in other ways are very likely to appear.
The ascetic life of extreme and needless self-denial
[17]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
does not always conduce to morality, but the
healthful, normal life, in which natural instincts
are reinforced by wholesome habits and controlled
by reason and the higher feelings, surely lays a
firm foundation for every later phase of character
building.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
(Discussions as to the proper foods and the necessary quantities
of each should be preceded by careful reading of authoritative beoks
on the subject, for recent investigations have made it clear that
intelligent parents have often gone astray in their thought and
practise in these matters. Several of the books mentioned above
deal with them in detail.)
1. Is it kindness to a child to give him all articles of diet, espe-
cially such as are of the nature of luxuries, that older members of
the family use?
2. If not, how shall it be avoided without harming the child by
seeming selfishness? Is it wise to have children eat at a separate
table? If at the same table, should they leave before the dessert is
served?
3. Should children be allowed to select candy for themselves?
What kinds are most wholesome? What are the chief dangers to be
guarded against in the use of candy by children?
4. What conditions favor the development of gluttony in chil-
dren? How can it best be corrected? Wiiat is the effect of thorough
mastication of the food in this connection?
5. When does gluttony or the choice of unhealthful food become
a moral fault? How can it best be punished, if other measures
fail?
6. What are the best methods of teaching temperance to young
children?
7. Realizing that cigarette-smoking is a perversion of appetite,
how would you attempt to prevent it in boys?
[18]
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
Lesson III. Dealing with the Restless
Child
One of the marked characteristics of young
children is their incessant activity. To find a
satisfactory means of controlling this is one of the
most insistent and difficult problems of the parent.
The common method of repression is not success-
ful from either the point of view of immediate
results or of its eifects upon character. Wiser
plans are suggested in the following readings:
A Study of Child Naturfy by Elizabeth Harrison,
pp. 13-32; The Study of the Child^ by A. R. Taylor,
pp. 93-105; The Care of the Child in Healthy by Nathan
Oppenheim, pp. 146-162; The Unfolding Life^ by An-
toinette A. Lamoreaux, pp. 41-50; The Power of Play^
by George H. Archibald, pp. 1-42; Home Occupations
for Little Children^ by Katherine Beebee.
The little frame must be exercised. Every human
function depends on exercise for its growth and per-
fection. — Harriet Martineau.
No wonder he rolls and runs and jumps and tumbles
and pulls and pushes and twists from the moment he
opens his eyes in the morning until he is put to bed
at night. He cannot help it. He ought not to help
it. It is natural with him. This is the way he grows.
— A. R. Taylor.
Making a restless child "keep still" is a repression
of this nervous energy, which irritates the whole ner-
vous system, causing ill-temper, moroseness, and gen-
eral uncomfortablencss. — Elizabeth Harrison.
[191
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
The motive back of many a "don't" is worthy,
and often there may be no alternative but instantly
to check an action, but for the effect on character-
building there is a more excellent way than repression.
— Antoinette A. Lamoreaux.
• The very worst thing that can be done to such a
boy or girl is to command him or her to sit still or not
to act; and a still worse thing — to make a compara-
tive again on the head of a superlative — is to affix
to the command painful penalties.
— James Mark Baldwin.
Never prohibit anything you cannot prohibit.
— George H. Archibald.
Much physical activity is essential if the young
child's body is to develop normally. — At this
early period of life growth is very rapid. If any
muscle is not properly exercised its growth is
hindered and deformity results. The instinct
that prompts the child to perpetual movement
during his waking hours is one that provides for
present health and future welfare. Without it
the body would be stunted, and the control of
the muscles would be imperfect.
To attempt to repress these movements of
the child is to battle with God-ordained laws of
nature. — Disaster is sure to follow such effort.
A certain amount of energy is generated in the
child's body. It must find expression in move-
ment. To attempt to check those activities is
like closing the safety-valve of an engine. If
by strenuous effort success is attained for a time,
an explosion is sure to follow. To bid a child
to keep still when the voice of God speaking in
[20]
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
his nature bids him wriggle and twist is both
foolish and wrong.
Gtudan^Ci not repressioni is the solution of
the parents' problem. — It is needless to say that
the activities of the child are not to be uncon-
trolled. The effort should be to find a method
of directing these forces into right channels. To
tell a child what to do is as easy as to tell him
what not to do, and is vastly more effective.
Mischief is simply misdirected activity. If a
child is merely told not to do an objectionable
act, since he must do something he commonly
turns to mischief of another kind. If he is
guided to legitimate activity, the danger of mis-
chief is eliminated and he is besides led to actions
that have a value in themselves.
There is a moral value in substituting guidance
for repression of the activities of the child. — To
be inactive means real suffering to a healthy
child. If his movements are restrained by the will
of the parent, the God-given impulse to activity
urges him toward self-assertion and opposition.
The parent who continually says "Don't" to
the child is of necessity building up in him the
habitual spirit of rebellion and disobedience.
On the other hand, when the child acts in a way
that has been suggested by the parent he is uncon-
sciously receiving a training in obedience. He
is learning to submit himself to the guidance
of the parent, and harmony of will is fostered.
The moral value of such training can hardly be
overestimated.
[21]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Bring from your own obaervation illustrations of the danger
of dealing with the child by the method of repression.
2. Give illustrations of the tactful control of children by suggest-
ing activities.
3. If a child annoys others by restlessness in church, how would
you correct it? What would be the effect of giving lum vigorous
exercise just before the service?
4. Rainy days are particularly trying to mothers because of the
noisy play of children who are kept indoors. What suitable activ-
ities can you suggest for such occasions?
5. Sunday is sometimes a dreaded day to children because ordi-
nary active play is forbidden. What are some unobjectionable
Sunday activities?
6. now would you answer the mother who says she has not time
to plan things for her children to do?
iM]
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
Lesson IV. Dealing with the Nervous
Child
The problems of child training are greatly
increased when a child is not rested, well nour-
ishecf, and in a normal condition of health. When
the abnormal conditions are slight the dangers
in moral training are especially great because
they are overlooked in the average case. The
following readings will be of value to parents
who wish to understand these conditions and to
know how to deal with the child in view of them.
Nursery Ethics^ by Florence Winterburn, pp.
170-173; The Care and Training of Children^ by
Le Grand Kerr, pp. 115-125; The Nervous SyS"
tern of the Child j by Francis Warner, pp. 180-184;
The Study of Children^ by Francis Warner, pp.
141-148.
The chief means of preventing exhaustion lie in the
early recognition of the signs of fatigue.
— Francis Warner.
When the body is in a morbid condition there is
not present sufficient energy to make one's self do right.
There is no confidence, no faith, and an effort seems
not worth the while. So a much greater degree of
tact and patience are necessary in dealing with ailing
children than with well ones.
— Florence Winterburn.
The adult confides to his friends the dread which
he has of the morrow and its duties; he tells of uncon-
trollable imaginations of error or wrong, of his irrita-
bility, which he always attributes to his not feeling
well, and a hundred and one complaints of which he
is, to his view, the undeserving victim. But the child
[23 1
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
conceals these things; he is irritable and fretful, but
he makes no excuses; he may exhibit fits of passion or
wilfulness that are unnatural for him; ... he shows
without audible complaint that there is something
wrong.
— Le Grand Kerr.
The faults of children are often in large measure
due to their physical condition. — Most mothers
and many fathers are particularly nervous at
times. They know that these are also days when
their children are unusually cross, but many fail
to realize that the conditions are essentially the
same. There are times when it is far harder
for the child to control himself than it is for the
nervous parent to do it, for the child lacks the
understanding of his own case and the developed
powers of self-control that aid the adult. Under
such circumstances the child should receive patient
and thoughtful treatment. He cannot be at his
best at such times, and often cannot profit by
ordinary methods of discipline.
The parent should be watchful for such occa-
sions. — Sometimes the condition is due to
fatigue. An evening entertainment that delays
the hour of going to bed, the loss of the usual
afternoon nap, the nervous stimulation of an unac-
customed romp with other children — these and
similar unusual circumstances affect the child
much more strongly than many parents realize.
Certain more usual conditions should also put the
parent on guard. A thoughtful mother said to
the writer, " I try to be very patient with my
children after four o'clock in the afternoon, for
I know that then they are getting tired." Bur-
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
densome school tasks sometimes alFect children
in this way.
Besides these conditions which in themselves
suggest the danger, there are others which should
be recognized. Often the first symptom that a
child is "coming down with the measles'* or
some other disease is his unusual irritability.
After the nature of the disease has appeared,
many a parent has been conscience-smitten at
the thought of the harsh discipline of the preced-
ing day. Bad temper in a usually tractable
child should always suggest the possibility of
illness as an explanation.
In such cases the first step is to avoid clashes
of will between parent and child. — This does not
imply that the child is to be allowed to have his
way in spite of the better judgment of the parent,
but that it is wise tactfully to "manage" him
rather than to resort to corrective discipline.
If the child is not in such physical condition as
to profit by such measures it is better to avoid
the issue. It is true, however, that if wise re-
tributive punishments are used the necessity for
this is minimized.
This immediate step should be promptly fol-
lowed by an effort to correct the unlortunate con-
ditions. — Putting the child to bed, telling stories
or reading to him as a substitute for active play
with other children, calling the doctor, keeping
nome from school, or such other methods as are
suggested by the needs of the particular case
should be the next resort. But it should be
understood that these are not in any sense to be
regarded as punishments. To send an over-tired
and nervous child to bed with the sting of unmer-
Us]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
ited punishment in his heart is not to help correct
the conditions that have caused the trouble. If
the child is in a really normal condition the case
is not of the kind that is here discussed. If he
is not, surely the treatment should be directed
to the cause of the misconduct.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
9i Is there dan^r to discipline in avoiding the issue in case of
a petulant and irritable child under circumstances such as have
been suggested above?
2. Wnat would you say of the danger to good disciplme of resort-
ing to punishment under such circumstances?
3. Relate from your own observation cases in which children
have been misunderstood in the ways hinted at in the lesson.
4. Have you used methods such as have been suggested above?
With what success? )
c. Give illustrations of tactful ways of avoiding the issue when a '
child is not in a condition for ordinary discipline.
[26]
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
Lesson V. Teaching the Child about
Sex
Few duties are more important or more dreaded
by parents than the giving of instruction of this
kind. In the past it has been almost wholly-
neglected, but in these days large numbers of
parents are attempting to guard their children
from the dangers of ignorance and misinformation
and unclean suggestion. Among many books
which are designed to aid in this the following
titles have been selected as among the very best as
guides to parents of young children. The Moral
Problem of the Chiidretiy by Rose Wood-Allen
Chapman (published by The Mary Wood-Allen
Fund, 6oi W. 156 St., N. Y., at 20 cts.); fFhat a
Young Girl Ought to KnotVy by Mary Wood-
Allen and Sylvanus Stall; fFhat a Young Boy
Ought to Knowy by Sylvanus Stall. (In the same
series with the last two are books for young people
and adults.)
Why is this an improper subject? Why is it not
as c^weet and clean as any other? Why is not birth a
holy thing, and motherhood and fatherhood an equally
holy thing? Reverence for a thing, and a sense of its
uncleanness are incompatible feelings. I ^ plead for
a healthy, natural reverence for this sacred relation of
life — and real reverence is based only on knowledge
and understanding. — William M. Salter.
The great work that we are to do for our children
is more that of giving them the right atmosphere than
it is simply presenting to them the facts.
— Rose Wooi>-Allen Chapman.
[27]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
In my opinion the wisest parents will . . . teach
"here a little and there a little" while the child is not
only young, but very young.
— Jennie B. Merrill.
It is unsafe to leave a child ignorant about
sex. — The writer firmly believes that a major-
ity of the evils that appear in connection with
this phase of human nature could be avoided by
simple, frank instruction of children and youth.
The great trouble has been that parents who have
clean ideas about sex and its relations have kept
their lips sealed on the subject, and have left
their children to get such information as they
could from other children and ignorant servants
or from vicious persons who are always ready to
talk of these things. Even if it were desirable,
children cannot be kept in ignorance of these
things. Through the parents^ neglect their thoughts
of these matters have too often been perverted
and impure from the first. The aim should be
to preempt the ground for cleanness and truth.
The child's natural curiosity opens the oppor-
tunity to give such instruction in a healthful
way. — The invariable questions as to his own
origin and as to where his baby brother or sister
came from and his observation of pets, domestic
animals, and wild creatures about the home
introduce the subject in the ideal way. Thus the
essential facts about the origin of life can be clearly-
given at a time and in a way that cannot pos-
sibly offer any suggestion of impurity. A child
who is so taught feels as he grows older that he
has always known these things*. Nature's ways
seen^ natural to him. There is no shock of rev^-
[28]
TRAINING THE INSTINCTS
lation at a time when it is unfortunate that his
thought should be strongly directed to these
things. If the information has been wisely-
given his ideas have been pure from the first and
they are not easily perverted. On the other
hand, it is not strange that children go wrong
when all their education in these matters has pre-
pared for it.
The giving of such instruction is the parents'
work. — The peculiar nature of the task makes
this appropriate. Such a plan makes it easy
for the cultivation of modesty to parallel the giv-
ing of this information; this can. be the child's
secret with his mother. It is especially desirable
that this should be a part of home education
because the child's questions arise there chiefly,
and so it makes it possible for him to receive
the instruction while his curiosity is awake,
and to receive it naturally and simply rather
than by a formal lesson. It is especially impor-
tant because it opens the way for future confi-
dences when the child meets new problems and
faces new dangers.
Many parents shrink from this duty because
they do not know how the information should
be given. It can be safely, delicately, and easily
done. There are many recent books which are
especially designed to aid in this. It is earnestly
recommended that parents read as many as pos-
sible of the references that are given above.
' Such instruction should be progressive. —
Only such information should be given to the
young child as he needs, but further details must
be given when curiosity widens and new dangers
surround the growing boy or girl. A number of
[29]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
books mentioned above suggest in detail plans
for eraded instruction. For the general guidance
of tne parent it may be said that when 5ie child
wants the information is the time when it should
be given. But it must be remembered that if
the parent has not answered the child^s early
questions, those that arise at a later and more
critical period will not spontaneously come to
the parent, but to those who have secretly satis-
fied the child^s Curiosity in the past. A parent
who is unwilling to open the matter in such a
case can at least put a carefully chosen book in
the hands of the youth or maiden.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Judging from your own experience as a child and from your
observation as an adult, do you think it is safe to leave a child unin-
formed as to these things?
2. Have )rou known of any cases in which parents have given
such instruction to their children? If so, what were the results?
3. Do ypu know the attitude of children in the public schools as
to these things? Is it healthful and normal?
4. If not, what can be done to correct the conditions?
5. What are the practical difficulties in carrying out the plans
that have been suggested?
6. What are the best books on this subject of which you know?
[30]
IV
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S
FEARS
How to deal wisely with the many fears of
children is one of the most important problems
of child training. There are needless fears to
be corrected and at times useful ones to be stim-
ulated. There are instinctive fears that guard
his welfare when reason does not tell him of
danger, and fears of imagination which must
be understood before they can be dispelled.
There is danger that fear, having undue place in
discipline, may intrude itself in the relations of
child and parent, and even that it may hold the
soul aloof from the God whose nature is love.
Helpful suggestions as to the various ways
in which the parent must deal with fear are
found in the following books, as many as pos-
sible of which should be consulted in connection
with Lessons VI to IX : Hints on Child Training,
by H. Clay Trumbull, pp. 223-239; Household
Education^ by Harriet Martineau, pp. 109-119;
Our Children, by Paul Cams, pp. 178-189; Child-
hood, by Mrs. Theodore Birney, pp. 22-31; Studies
of Childhood, by James Sully, pp. 191-227;
Climpses of Child Nature, by Angelina Wray,
pp. 64-74; Fear: Its Place in Human Nature
and Methods for its Culture, by Edward P.
St. John, The Pilgrim Teacher, November, 1910.
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson VI. The Meaning of the Child's
Fears
Fear is, I believe, the greatest moral sufiFering of
children. — George Sand.
Happy those little ones who have ever near them
loving arms within whose magic circle the oncoming
of the cruel fit of terror is instantly checked, giving
place to a delicious calm. How unhappy those chil-
dren must be ^ho, being fearsome by nature, lack
this refuge, who are left much alone to wrestle with
their horrors as best they may, and are rudely repulsed
when they bear their heart-quaking to others.
— James Sully.
The function of fear. — All men, and all animals
except the very lowest, know what it is to fear.
Since Nature has made the feeling a part of the
universal equipment for life it must have an
important meaning and a real value. A very little
observation and thought show that it is her provi-
sion for the welfare of a creature when it faces a
danger that it cannot overcome. Impelled by
fear, it flees and so finds safety. The weaker
animals, because they are not so well equipped
for a successful struggle, are more subject to fear.
"As timid as a hare" becomes very significant
when one considers how defenseless the creature is.
The savage with his poor weapons and ineffect-
ive tools is more subject to fears that grow out
of his every-day contact with nature than is
the civilized man. So woman, because she is not
so well fitted to battle with the forces of nature or
with evil-disposed persons, is more timid than man.
[32]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS
Why the child is so fearful. — In view of the
function of fear it is not strange that the little
child is especially subject to it. Physically he
is among the weakest of all creatures. Intel-
lectually he is undeveloped, and hence is unable
to devise methods of outwitting his enemies or
even to determine the limits at which real danger
is past. As he grows older and becomes wiser
and stronger, fear has less value, and gradually
it comes to have a smaller place in his experience.
When one realizes how valuable the child's
fears are and how important a place* they have
in God's provision for his welfare, they will not
be regarded lightly. The thoughtful parent will
never; ignore, ridicule, rebuke, or despise the fears
of a child.
The nature of fear. — Fear belongs to the emo-
tional nature of the child. It is not under the
power of his will. No one can choose to fear
or not to fear a certain experience any more than
he can arbitrarily decide that he will love or hate
a particular person and then proceed to do it.
Fear, like every other feeling, is the product
of certain conditions. When one believes him-
self to be in danger, fear follows of necessity.
Until the sense of danger is removed the fear
cannot pass. This may be accomplished in
different ways; the threatening object may dis-
appear; one whom he trusts may come to his
rescue; he may gain further knowledge that
indicates that the danger is past; but in some
way the impression that he is about to receive
an injury must be dispelled before the fear can
be dissipated.
Hence simply to urge a child not to be afraid
[33]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
is useless; to command it is folly; to punish a
child for fear is inhumanity. The first step toward
the conquering of a child's fears is to remove the
danger which occasions them, or, if there is no
real danger, to convince him of that fact. To
force him into association with that which he
still fears is to increase his terror. A very intense
emotional experience of that kind may be so
deeply registered in the nervous system that the
feeling persists after there is full knowledge that
there is no real danger.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Mention some of the foolish fears of childhood which have
come under your own observation. Study their origin. Were they
foolish from the child's point of view?
2. When a boy was sent for the first time to have his hair cut at
the barber shop he wept bitterly and refused to go. When he was
asked why he was afraid he said, '^The barber will pull out all of my
hair!" His mother asked what made him think so, and he re-
plied, '*Look at Uncle Al's head." How would you deal with such
a case?
3. A father, finding that his boy was afraid of a locomotive, in
order to demonstrate that it would not harm him, dragged him
beside one as it stood puffing and hissing at the station. The child
was too frightened to look at the engine, and continually struggled
to escape. What is likely to be the result of such an expenence
upon the child's tendency to fear it?
4. Aside from the direct influence upon the child's fear, are any
unfortunate results to be expected?
5. How would you deal with such a case?
6. Give from your reading or observation illustrations of fears
v/hose real significance was misunderstood by parents or teachers.
Suggest better ways of dealing with these cases.
[34I
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS
Lesson VII. How to Deal with Different
Kinds of Fear
Place yourself in the child's place, and thence start
for further operations. — Paul Carus.
Until a child's reasoning faculties are developed
through contact with fact and experience, the odds
are tremendously against him in his battle with fear,
and it is a duty wisely and tenderly to help him in
this as in other processes of his development.
— Mrs. Theodore Birney.
The hardest fears to control are the fears that are
purely of the imagination; and no other fears call for
such considerate tenderness of treatment.
— H. Clay Trumbull.
Instinctive fears. — Certain experiences have
been so universally harmful that the fear of
them has become hereditary; the child fears
them instinctively before he has had experience
of them. This is illustrated in the fear of dark-
ness, of strangers, of loud noises, of rapidly mov-
ing objects, of high places, etc. All of these
fears were directly serviceable to our savage
ancestors, and even in our own social environment
they are, in the main, of real value. Thus the
fear of strangers saves the child from some real
danger of contracting contagious and infectious
diseases, and lessens the danger of kidnapping
which is not wholly to be ignored even in
these days. The fear of darkness deters the
child from making investigations which would
lead to falling down the cellar stairs. Loud
noises are almost invariably accompanied by
[35]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
some sudden release of great power. These
fears, then, are not to be eliminated, but only to be
modified in relation to such occasions as are really
harmless.
Fears based upon experience. — These are
almost always serviceable. The exceptions are
when the combination of circumstances is unusual,
or when the child has blundered in his own rela-
tion to them. Here nature is most effectively
the parent's helper in the training of the child.
Perhaps the commonest mistake in relation to
them is in unduly shielding the child from the
experiences that could give rise to these helpful
fears. Some wise parents, after warning the
child of the danger of playing with fire and
repeatedly advising against it, have permitted
him, while under careful observation, to have
matches that he might, by burning his fingers,
learn the lesson in nature's way. A prohibition
after such an experience would be ten times as
effective as it could be if natural fear of the real
danger were not enforcing it.
When an unfortunate experience causes a
needless fear it may be corrected by explaining
the peculiar circumstances, by showing one's
own lack of fear, and by gradually leading the
child into association with the dreaded object
under favorable conditions.
Fears due to misunderstanding or imagination.
— Such are dream fears, the fear of ghosts and
other supernatural beings, and many others which
are due to children's misinterpretations of the
remarks of their elders. Because of their igno-
rance, children are especially subject to these.
The parent should understand that however triv-
[36]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD^S FEARS
ial their cause from the adult point of view the
child's fears are as real as if the danger were as
great as he supposes it to be, and that they
deserve as thoughtful and patient treatment as
any others. Often the misunderstanding of a
single unfamiliar word is the occasion for long-
continued suffering on the part of a child. Thus
a child who had been taught by his grandfather,
who was a clergyman, to repeat the verse, " The
zeal of thy house has eaten me up," believed the
church to be inhabited by a terrible wild beast.
The only way in which such a fear can be removed
is by correcting the child's misapprehension,
whether it be by a clear explanation, or through
the gradual attainment of knowledge through
the child's experience. The first step toward
correcting them is to know exactly what the
child fears, and how the fear first arose.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. If you believe that the fear of darkness has some real value,
what would you do about having the child sleep in a dark room?
2. Give from your own observation cases of needless fears that
were the product of experience. How would you deal with these
cases?
3. Give illustrations of fears of the imagination. How would
you correct them?
4. Illustrate from your own experience fears due to misunder-
standing and indicate ways of dealing with these particular cases.
(371
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson VIII. The Place of Fear in
Home Discipline
*'The child heart is so shy a thing;"
It opens at love's tender call.
It closes when fear's shadows fall.
"The child heart is so shy a thing."
— Angelina W. Wray.
Anger robs obedience of its sweetness.
— Elizabeth Grinnell.
Sternness must be absolutely avoided, for as lying
shows fear, anything which increases this sentiment
only drives the culprit farther from the truth.
— Florence Hull Winterburn.
The most essential thing for a timid infant is to
have an absolutely unfailing refuge in its mother.
— Harriet Martineau.
Fear of the parent is not an effective motive of
obedience. — Fear has at best only a negative
value in moral training. The most that it can
accomplish is to deter the child from wrong-doing.
It never gives him a positive iihpulse to do the
right as love, or self-respect, or altruistic feeling
may do. While it may secure outward obedi-
ence it may leave the child as wrong at heart as
before.
It interferes with the most helpful relations
between parent and child. — Fear is the feeling
with which a child ordinarily responds to an enemy
and it serves to lessen the possibility of any asso-
ciation between them. The parent surely is
the child's best human friend, and the normal atti-
tude of love between them is designed to bring
them into closest association that the child may
138]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS
profit to the full by the wisdom and strength
and self-sacrifice of the father and the mother.
This God-ordered relation between parent and
child is by far the strongest influence that can
be brought to bear upon the heart and life of
the young. Any humanly devised mode of dis-
cipline that interferes with it is surely a misguided
effort for the child's welfare.
If strongly stimulated it leads to deception
and falsehood on the part of the child. — In the
young child this is due to the fact that he is by
nature's plan the slave of his instinctive feelings.
When he sees a parent's stern or angry face and
hears the harsh voice, his fear masters him so that
he is not able to tell the truth. The same instinct
which prompts him to save himself from a harsh
and unloving stranger is stirred when a parent so
far forgets himself as to manifest anger toward
the child.
If the older child is controlled only by the fear
of the parent, he knows that if he can deceive
him, he can escape the consequences that he
dreads, and hence deliberate deception is common
in such cases.
But the child should fear to break the immu-
table laws of God. — Whether they are written
in the Bible or whether they are those that men
have discovered in other ways, and call laws of
nature, or laws of health, or moral laws, this is
true. Faithfully to interpret these laws to a
child, and wisely to punish for infraction of them,
is a parent's duty. Indeed, one of the most
important lessons that a child ever learns is that
he cannot break one of God's laws without suf-
fering because of it. While his heart should go
[39]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
out in love to his parent and to God he must
learn to fear the consequences of broken law.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
A little hoy had been forbidden to open his mother's desk lest he
spill ink upon the carpet. In a moment of temptation he disobeyed,
and the dreaded accident followed. Bursting into tears, he ran to
his mother's arms, saying, **0h, mamma, I spilt the ink; I opened
the desk and spilt the inlL!" He knew that he had disobeyed and
that he would be punished, but in his trouble he sought his mother
first of all.
1. There was no fear of the mother. Was there any evidence
of an unwise mode of discipline.^
2. Would you punish a child under such circumstances?
3. One cannot break God's laws without suffering for it. Can
the parent omit punishment in such a case without danger of lessen-
ing the child's appreciation of this fact?
4. The child seemed to be truly repentant. If punishment
which seems just to him is inflicted, will it tend to increase this feel-
ing or to weaken it? If the punishment is omitted might the feeling
be lost more easily?
5. How would you deal with a child who lies to escape punish-
ment?
6. Describe, for discussion in the class, cases of discipline which
illustrate the suggestions of this lesson or the dangers of unwise
stimulation of fear.
[40)
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS
Lesson IX. The Place of Fear in Religious
Education
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
— Ps. 111:10.
Perfect love casteth out fear. — i John 4: 18.
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
— Ps. 56:3.
No man or woman can be a faithful servant of
duty, qualified to live, suffer, and die for it, who has
not grown up in awe of something higher than him-
self, in veneration of some powers greater than he can
understand; and this awe and veneration have in them
a large element of fear at the beginning.
• — Harriet Martineau,
Fear has too large a place in much of the re-
ligious training of the child. — Some theologians
and preachers of a few generations ago used all
the resources of language and all the arts of ora-
tory to make God seem terrible to men. Great
changes have come, but we are not yet wholly
free from the influence of those who would scare
children into the kingdom of heaven. Even yet,
to some children the dominant conception of God
is that of the cruel judge or the great policeman
in the sky who spends his time in trying to dis-
cover the sins of children in order that he may
punish them by and by. God is the child's best
friend; fear is designed to save the child from an
enemy. The attitudes of loving trust and joy-
ful obedience are those that will bring the most
helpful relations with him. The parent who
teaches his child to shrink from the thought of
I
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
the presence of God has done him perhaps the
greatest wrong that one can do another soul.
We may well hesitate artificially to stimulate
fear of Him whose very nature is love.
But awe stirred by God's mighty power is an
element in the reverential attitude. — Reverence
is compounded of fear and love. It is the feeling
that rises when we think at once of the greatness
and the goodness of God. It is the blending of
the responses to the impression of his mighty
power, which could wipe us out of existence in
an instant, with that which follows the thought of
his love and care. It is to be cultivated not so
much by the artificial method of commanding
the hushed voice and solemn step in the church
as by bringing to the child the thought of God's
love and care at times when he feels dread at
some manifestation of his power in nature. The
moment when the child is cowering in fear in the
midst of a storm is that of the parent's oppor-
tunity. At the same time one may help to quiet
his fears and instil that attitude of reverential
awe which really comes forth from his inner
nature, and will find expression in the church,
and elsewhere as well.
The thought of the presence of God should
serve to lessen and remove many of the child's
fears. — An illustration will best present the
thought. A little child had a troubled dream
of some monster that came from the dark closet
and pursued him through the house. Later,
when his mother found him fearing that this
creature haunted the dark corners, she told him
of God's presence and his loving care, and went
with him into the darkness until his fear was
[42]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS
so quieted that he could stand alone in the open
closet door and say, ^'I am not afraid because
God is right here, and he is taking care of me all
the time. The result of such teaching as that
will be that whenever the child feels a fear his
thoughts will trustfully turn to God. Compare
the result with that of such teaching as leads
the child to think of him with terror or with
dread.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. A five-year-old boy of the writer's acquaintance had told a
lie. His godly grandmother pointed to the crackling fire and said,
"If you do that, by and by God will put you in a place like this and
bum you up forever.*' What is likely to be the effect of such train-
ing? If a child had been so taught, how would you deal with him?
2. A little child had shown great fear during a visit to Niagara
Falls. Some time afterward he asked his mother, ^*Who pours the
water over Niagara Falls?" How would you answer the child in
such a case?
3. There are humorous stories that indicate otherwise, but from
your own observation are not the fears of children who dread to
sleep in the dark lessened by the thought of God's presence?
4. When one mother tried to quiet her child thus she became more
friehtened at the thought of God's presence. What was the trouble?
What would you do in such a case?
5. A mother quieted her child's fear of ghosts by saying: "They
are angels. If they ever come about us it is to help us. They only
come when God sends them." To a friend she justified it by quot-
ing Heb. i: 14. What do you think of this?
6. There are no better expressions of reverence than in the
Psalms. Turn to the 29th, the 93d, and the 135th. What seems to
have stirred the feeling in each of these cases?
7. Have you known of cases where children have seemed to
show a reverential attitude under similar circumstances?
8. Mention any helpful or harmful appeals to fear in religious
instruction of children which have come to your notice.
[43]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY
CHILD
Anger is one of the first feelings to manifest itself
in the young child. It is one of the most unlovely
traits of childhood, and one of the most difficult
to control. But it is also true that the one who
rarely feels it often suflFers wrong, and that,
when it is stirred by the unjust sufferings of
others, it impels most strongly to the righting
of those wrongs. Manifestly there must be
thoughtful action on the parent's part if the
child is to be so trained that he will experience
anger as a virtue and escape it as a vice.
There are few references to anger in the popu-
lar books on child training, probably because it
is commonly regarded as wholly wrong, and be-
cause of the lack of successful methods for its
control. The following readings, however, will
be helpful in connection with Lessons X to XII:
Hints on Early Education and Nursery Disci-
pline (published by Funk & Wagnalls), pp.
33-36 (a brief reference, but particularly goc<i);
Nursery Ethics^ bv Florence Hull Winterbum,
pp. lOO-iic; Teachers^ Handbook of Psychology^
by James Sully, pp. 307-7311; Our Children, by
Paul Cams, pp. 38-66; Education as a Sciencey
by Alexander Bain, pp. 72-77; Psychology in the
[44]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD
Schoolroom J by Dexter and Garlick, pp. 218-225;
Glimpses of Child Nature^ by Angelina Wray,
pp. 122-137; ^^ ^^ Twig is Bent, by Susan
Chenery, pp. 78-88; Ethics for Young People j by
C C. Everett, pp. 106-109; fFhat Anger Contrib^
utes to Character and the Training that the Impulse
Needsj by Edward P. St. John, The Pilgrim
Teachery December, 1910.
Us]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson X. When Anger is a Virtue
Be ye angry and sin not. — Eph. 4: 26.
The one who has never felt his hands clinch and
his heart beat faster at the sight or tale of injustice
or oppression has missed something in his education.
— Edward P. St. John.
Anger is a natural instinct of defense by which one
wards off or punishes injury to others, or to one's
self. — C. C. Everett.
Anger should be a great and diffused power in life,
makine it strenuous, giving zest and power to the
struggle for survival, and rising to righteous indigna-
tion. — G. Stanley Hall.
Anger is apt to be a very unjust judge. To look at
an act through an angry mood is like looking at an
object through a magnifying glass.
— C. C. Everett.
The value of anger to the individual. — Fear
serves a useful purpose because it prompts one
to flee from harm, but it always involves a cer-
tain loss; life is saved by abandoning one's prop-
erty or one's rights. If the enemy is not too strong
to be overcome, anger is a more useful response
to the threatened injury. It prompts one to
defend his person, his property, his rights, his
reputation, and to keep at a distance the enemy
whose attitude is malicious. When the conditions
are such as these, anger can hardly be con-
demned. In cases where the wrong that is suf-
fered is relatively slight the principle is the same,
I46]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD
though the response should of course be propor-
tioned to the occasion.
How anger serves others. — When one sees
bitter suffering inflicted upon a child because of
the selfishness or wanton cruelty of an adult
there can be but one response. This is indigna-
tion — anger stirred by the wrongs of another.
It prompts to such action as will defend the suf-
ferer and tend to discourage the repetition of the
misdeed. This, again, is surely a moral impulse
— one that needs to be wisely and justly con-
trolled, but one that ought not to be wholly elim-
inated. Anger because of the needless sufferings
of others is one of the chief incentives in worthy
reform movements of every kind. The man
whose attitude toward the forces of evil that
arc intrenched in our social system is that of
fear rather than anger is neither a good citizen
nor a worthy Christian.
Anger becomes a sin when its function is per-
verted. — Its legitimate purpose is defense, and
only to the extent that it accomplishes this
is it of value. Ordinarily the degree of anger is
proportioned to the sense of injury, but this is
not always true. Anger may appear with insuffi-
cient cause, or, to put it in another way, it may
be stronger than the occasion demands. That
one should not resent an unjust attack upon his
character is certainly an evidence of moral weak-
ness, but to shoot a man for calling one a liar is
at least equally conclusive evidence. Even the
unselfish form of anger is subject to such excess,
as the savage lynchings of criminals in commu-
nities where there are well ordered courts of jus-
tice testify.
[471
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Sometimes the hungry baby refuses his bottle. If it is repeat-
edly offered him, he begins to scream in rage. What is usually tound
to be the occasion for tnisf Is there any other way in which he could \
have protected his welfare? I
2. Are there other cases in which anger serves- a useful purpose •
in the every-day life of the infant? Mention such as you have ob- ]
served.
3. Violent anger is more common in children who cannot talk
than in older ones. In case of older children those who are deaf 'j
and dumb are more given to violent fits of passion than those who can |
talk. Do you see a reason for this? j
4. From vour own experience give illustrations of justifiable \
anger in children. i
I
[48I
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD
Lesson XL How to Train the Anger
Impulse
He whose spirit is without restraint
Is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
— Proverbs 25 : 28.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
— Proverbs 16: 32.
The discretion of a man maketh him slow to anger.
— Proverbs 19:11.
If you crush the fighting instinct, you get the cow-
ard; if you let it grow wild, you get the bully; if you
train it, you have the strong, self-controlled man of will.
— Thomas M. Balliet.
There are, perhaps, some rare cases where
it is wise to stimulate anger. — The child who
makes no resistance when injury is inflicted or
threatened is poorly equipped for life. Such a
one is almost sure to develop a weak character
which makes him less successful as an individual
and less useful to society. But nature very
rarely fails to provide the child with well devel-
oped self-protective feelings, and where other con-
ditions appear it is commonly the result of unwise
repressive training by the parent.
Violent anger in the young child should not
alarm the parent. — It is a law of human devel-
opment that the feelings of the young child, like
those of the lower races of men, are more intense
and explosive than those of the adult. The
mother whose child throws himself upon the floor
and kicks and screams in blind passion until he
is exhausted should understand that she is not
dealing with a degenerate, but with a child who
149]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
is probably normal and who is manifesting very
common childish impulses. The natural tendency
is for such violent passions to become milder
and more controlled as the child grows older.
The anger impulse, like every otheri grows
through exercise. — The more frequently it is
stimulated, the more it comes to dominate the
nature of the child. Even the disposition of a
horse or a dog can be spoiled by continued unkind
treatment. This principle is one of the most
important for the parent, particularly in its
relation to discipline. Scolding, and especially
" nagging," is almost invariably harmful because
it commonly stimulates a feeling of resentment
and general irritation. A punishment has edu*
cative value only when it stirs a feeling of reeret
or repentance. Whippings and ridicule often
have a very different effect from this. Here,
again, the value of the retributive punishment is
emphasized, for very rarely does such a one occa-
sion any feeling of resentment. It should be under-
stood that though the infliction of a punishment
causes immediate anger, it is not to be condemned
if the later consequences are such as to cause a
permanent regret for the wrong-doing.
The ability to control one's anger increases
rapidly at adolescence. — Usually at about four-
teen to sixteen years of age the youth begins to
win real and frequent victories over ill-temper.
' The parent can greatly aid in this by suggesting
added motives. He can bring illustrations from
literature, and from life, of the fact that one who
keeps cool when he resents an injury has a great
advantage over one who flies into a rage. Such
motives as self-respect and Christian duty can
l5o]
>
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD
be stimulated. The more refined forms of anger,
such as contempt and scorn, in which the one
who seeks to injure another is regarded as so far
beneath one as to be unworthy of notice, can
be encouraged. Perhaps no greater service can be
rendered than the tactfully expressed apprecia-
tion and recognition of the effort for self-mastery,
however slight its success may have been.
Altruistic anger should be wisely cultivated. —
Whenever anger that is distinctly unselfish ap-
appears it deserves thoughtful treatment. That
it is not immoral the example of Jesus testifies.
The spirit should be encouraged, but in such a
way as to guard against excesses. There is dan-
ger that men to-day will needlessly wish to call
down fire from heaven. "Vengeance is mine; I
will repay," is a message that is frequently needed.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Are the exhortations to non-resistance in Matt. 5:38-41 to
be taken literally, or to be interpreted as we interpret: "Take no
thought for the morrow"?
2. A mother related the following incident to the writer. Her
son came home from school much disturbed in feeling. By persist-
ent questioning she learned that he had been repeatedly annoyed by
a schoolfellow, who had that afternoon dared him to fight. The
boy had replied that he could not because he had to go home and help
his mother about some work, and had gone, followed by the taunts
and gibes of his enemy. Upon this she said: ''Mother can spare
you K>r half an hour. You go back and give him a thrashing, and,"
kissing him, "here's one to do it well." The mother fini^ed the
story by saying, " He did it well, too. He broke his nose."
What do you think of the boy's spirit? Of the mother's? Did
the outcome of the affair suggest a new point of view? How would
you deal with such a case?
3. A friend told the writer of a boy who has been trained to abso-
lute non-resistance, with the result that at eleven years of age he is
daily escorted to and from school by his mother or a maid that he
may not be imposed upon by his schoolmates. Has this training
furthered or hindered his real welfare?
I51I
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson XII. How to Deal with Fits
OF Passion
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger.
— Col. 3: 21.
Summary punishment for the passionate outbursts
of children is simply cruelty.
— Florence Hull Winterburn.
Speak to a child in a fretful manner and we shall
generally find that his manner partakes of the same
character. — Harriet Martineau.
If too repressed, righteous indignation may turn to
sourness and sulks. — G. Stanley Hall.
We must take care that children with a strong ten-
dency to violent temper should not be exposed to
circumstances likely to inflame their passions.
— James Sully.
We cannot reason with a young child but we can
use our own reason for him.
— Florence Hull Winterburn.
The problem is partly different from that of
educating the anger instinct. — Whatever course
of conduct is desirable for the child's own wel-
fare, the interests of others must also be consid-
ered. Fits of violent rage sometimes occur and
the situation must be dealt with promptly. Such
considerations will sometimes determine the mode
of action, but the methods used should not be
such as would be seriously objectionable from the
educational point of view.
The best efforts of the parent are preventive. —
Many a wife has learned to ask favors of her
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD
husband after a good meal rather than before
it — unless, indeed, he is a dyspeptic. Some hus-
bands plan to avoid certain topics on days when
their wives are especially nervous. Why should
not both use equal tact in dealing with a child?
Care as to the temperature of the bath, the avoid-
ance of haste in combing the hair, discourage-
ment of association with certain children — these
and many other similar steps which will occur
to the thoughtful parent will help to smooth
the path of domestic discipline, and at the same
time aid the child to free himself from the slavery
to passion. Careful consideration of the child's
condition of health will poinj to times when espe-
cial care should be used. On the other hand
the child's irritability is often the first symptom
of incipient measles or other disease of childhood.
Any treatment that increases anger should
be avoided. — The suggestions in regard to pun-
ishment in the last lesson are especially pertinent
here. Whipping, scolding, shaking, are wholly
wrong as a punishment for anger, however justifi-
able they may seem at other times. Separating
an angry child from his playmates is often helpful,
but when he kicks and pounds upon the door of
his prison or sits in the corner and sulks it is quite
otherwise. This does not mean that because
little Willie has a temper he must have his own
way. Quite the contrary. When one is assured
that there is no legitimate occasion for anger,
the very best treatment, when it is possible, is
wholly to ignore the child until his rage has passed.
Some mothers have said to such a child: ** I can-
not talk of those things with this angry child.
When my own good boy comes back we will talk
[S3]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
it over." "A soft answer turneth away wrath."
Sometimes no answer at all is better still.
Diversion of the child's thought will sometimes
prevent a fit of anger. — To attempt to reason
with a thoroughly angry person, old or young,
is but to add fuel to the fire. He is not a reason-
able person. He is "mad," as we say. At the
beginning of such an experience an adult or a
youth may often be influenced. A similar effect
may often be secured in the child by quickly
turning his thought to a wholly different matter.
Thus the removal of a coveted object, the sug-
gestion of a new game in which there is no dis-
puted position of leadership, a call to render some
little service, or the suggestion of a story at the
critical moment will often save a quarrel.
With some hesitation, lest it be misunderstood
or misapplied, another prescription is ^offered.
Sometimes, when a child is in the midst of one of
those distressing outbursts of rage, he may be
brought out of it by an unexpected dash of water
in his face. This is not a punishment in any sense.
Its effect is to substitute intense surprise, with
perhaps a small element of fear, for the anger.
The physical shock is enough to do this, and in
ordinary cases is far less harmful than prolonged
anger. It is the method of diversion applied in
a heroic way. Usually by the time the water
is wiped from eyes and face the child rushes to
his mother's arms and, after a few tears, falls asleep.
A certain measure of expression of one's sense
of wrong helps to end the resentment. — Anger
that is suppressed tends to smolder and at length
bursts forth more fiercely. To make a confidant
of a friend eases one's feelings. Hence the par-
[54]
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD
ent should never refuse to hear the child's side of
the quarrel. Simply telling of it tends to relieve
the situation. Confession is good for the soul
and there are no dangers in this kind of confes-
sionaL
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Where do children get their tempers? Are they responsible
for them?
2. What shall be done when a child from another family flies
into a passion while playing with children in the home?
3. How would you deal with the child who manifestly "works
up" a fit of anger?
4. Arc young children really able to control their anger? If
not, should they ever be punished for itr
5. Has the regulation of sleep, food, and exercise any influence
upon the temper of an irascible child?
6. Would the shock of a stinging slap on the hand be as effect-
ive as the cold-water treatment mentioned in the lesson? Why?
Issl
VI
THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE
Among all the feelings that find expression in
child life none is more beautiful than love; among
all the motives that govern human conduct no
impulse is more powerful. "Love is strong as
death." In religion it has the supreme place.
Love to God and love to neighbor are at the core
of every message of Jesus.
All the worthy books on child training assume
or imply its importince; very few, indeed, defi-
nitely discuss it. The first two of the references
mentioned below are of especial value. The
others throw added light upon its place in charac-
ter and the methods for its culture. All should,
if possible, be carefully read in connection with
Lessons XVII and XVIII. A Study of Child Nor
turCy by Elizabeth Harrison, pp. 75-89; Household
Education^ by Harriet Martineau, pp. 156-168;
Hints on Child Training, by H. Clay Trum-
bull, pp. 263-274; Child Culture in the Homey by
Martha B. Mosher, pp. 11-21; As the Twig is
Benty by Susan Chenery, pp. 44-51.
[56]
THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE
Lesson XIII. The Nature of Love and the
Uses that it Serves
We love, because he first loved us.
— I John 4 : 19.
If a man love me, he will keep my words.
— John 14: 23.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is
love. — I John 4 : 8.
The relationship established between parent and
child is apt to become, in time, the relationship between
the soul and God. — Elizabeth Harrison.
With the first dawning smile upon the infant's
face the instinct of love awakes. Until the last sacri-
fice of life itself for the loved object — aye, on up to
that sublime exaltation which can say '^ even though
He slay me, yet will I trust Him," love is the great
motive powe!r which enriches and ennobles life.
— Elizabeth Harrison.
For life, with all it yields of joy and woe
And hope and fear (believe this aged friend).
Is just our chance o' the prize of learning love.
How love might be, hath been, indeed, and is.
— Robert Browning.
There are two distinct kinds of feeling that
are known as love. — One of these is the response
to benefits received, and promotes the welfare
of the one who loves. Such is the love of the
little child for its parent or for the older friend
who contributes to his happiness, and such is
the love of the Christian for God. The other is
the love of God for men, the love of the parent
lS7]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
for the child, the love of the Christian for his
fellow. This love seeks the welfare of the one
who is loved. It often leads to self-sacrifice, to
the disregard of the interests of the one who is
experiencing the feeling. Because these two kinds
of feeling are quite similar in their manifestations
they are commonly confused, but if the diflFerent
purposes that they serve are kept in mind the
distinction can easily be made. They appear
side by side in Jesus' summary of the law. It
is the first of them that is to be considered in this
lesson.
The origin of love is in the consciousness of
benefits received. — Love is the response to love.
The little child loves his mother most of all be-
cause he owes most of his happiness to her. If
she leaves him to the care of a servant, that love
goes out to the nurse. By and by comes the time
when another woman can give him more of happi-
ness than the most devoted mother can, and so
he leaves his parents and cleaves to her. Our
friends — the ones who are most truly such —
are those who by their personalities bring most
of pleasure into our lives. Patriotism is love
of country based upon the benefits and pleasures
that we owe to fatherland. Gratitude is love
because of benefits received in the past. Trust
is love that expects in the future the goodness
that has been manifested in the past.
The function of love is to lead the one who
loves into right relations with all friendly beings
who may contribute to his welfare. — It is the
result of some helpful relationship, and its purpose
is to prolong it and to make it more likely to occur
again. Though this is nature's aim, the one who
[58]
THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE
loves is not conscious of it. He simply seeks the
pleasure that comes through the satisfaction of
the impulse. When one considers the results of
his conduct, however, its meaning is very clfear.
Love for another prompts to imitation, and obe-
dience, and conformity to his will. In this way
the child's affection for his parents saves him from
countless dangers. It is one of the very strong-
est restraining influences in time of conscious
temptation as well as at many other times when
he has no thought of danger. In the Christian's
attitude toward God it is a far safer and stronger
preventive of sin than the fear of punishment
could possibly be.
Love for God, parents, or teacher is an espe-
cially strong motive because it directly prompts the
child to the conduct that is desired. — Fear may
deter him from wrong-doing, but cannot give him
this positive help. Desire for a reward is less
direct and may lead to deception. The desire
for praise or admiration involves the same dan-
ger. Genuine love must bring the true response
of the heart and life. Love is the fulfilling of
the law because it implies both the deed and the
spirit back of the deed.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. The young child lives his life chiefly on the physical plane.
Can the mother who leaves the satisfaction of his physical wants
entirely to servants have his lovef If so, how may it be won?
2. How may a mother's play with her child, and other efforts
simply to give him pleasure, directly influence the child's readiness
to obicy?
3. What kind of punishments are least likely to interfere with
the affectionate attitude of the child toward the parent? Illustrate.
4. Carefully recall times when your children have seemed unlov-
ing. Try to determine reasons for it. Could this have been avoided
[S9l
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
without injury to the child? If you can, report such cases to the
class.
5. Can sarcasm and ridicule ever fail to interfere with loving
relationships?
6. Ask your children if they really love God, and, if so, why.
Try to get at the facts and discover the reason for their attitude,
whatever it is. Report the results to the class.
[601
THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE
Lesson XIV. Training the Child to Love
Even the child's love can decay if not nourished
carefully. — Friedrich Froebel.
All exercises which awaken the active powers,
which form the capacity for rendering loving service
to fellow-creatures, will help to lay the groundwork
of religion in the child.
— Madam Marenholtz-Bulow.
He that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen,
cannot love God whom he hath not seen.
— I John 4: 20.
My little children, let us not love in word, neither
with the tongue; but in deed and truth.
— I John 3: 18.
There is a physical love which expresses itself in
the mere kiss and hug and word of endearment . . .
it is but the door or entrance to that other higher
form of love which manifests itself in service and self-
sacrifice. — Elizabeth Harrison.
And this is love, that we should walk after His com-
mandments. — 2 John 6.
The first step in the culttire of love is to provide
for proper stimulus. — The atmosphere of love
must surround the child. Parental aflFection is
usually sufficient to secure this. Indeed, no
reasoned procedure can ever direct as surely or
impel as strongly as the well developed natural
instincts of motherhood. But when to the fer-
vor of the heart is added the guidance of an under-
standing mind, the ideal has been reached. The
thought of what the effect upon a child's charac-
[61]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
ter may be will sometimes help a tired mother
to the exercise of patience and self-denial under
trying circumstances.
The child's love must be stirred by childish
pleasures. — For the young child these are usu-
ally of a sensuous kind. Food, warmth, soft
clothing, the gentle touch of the caress, the lul-
laby that soothes to rest, play that provides
healthful exercise for the growing muscles and
budding mental powers — these are the things
that awaken a response in his undeveloped and
as yet self-centered heart. Later, the gift that
introduces h^m to new joys aids in carrying out
his own plans of childfsh play, the sympathy that
salves his hurts of body and of mind, the story
that through the experiences of another leads
him into new worlds of delight, have their places,
and in turn prepare the way for the changes
that make it the parents' part to bind still closer
the heart of the child by fullest sympathy with
those new interests and ties that lead him farthest
from their sides. It is as the parent helps the child
to find happiness — his own true satisfaction,
however crude it may appear to an adult — that
love is stirred. Immediate gratification sometimes
must be denied as a means to greater pleasures,
but this will bring in time its fruitage of deepened
affection.
Unless the child's love is led to its tight expres-
sion a selfish spirit may result from such treat-
ment. — The last paragraph has suggested to
some the question, Is it not love of self that would
be fostered in the child? Unless he is led to some
expression of his pleasure beyond the word and
the caress, the danger is certainly real. But on
[6z]
THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE
the other hand it must be remembered that unself-
ishness is not fostered by denying a child pleas-
ures against his will. We must keep in mind
the fact that the normal expression of love of the
kind that we have in mind is found in closest
association with and obedience to the one who is
loved. The important method, then, is to lead
love to manifestation in the unselfish deed. Love
grows with its expression if that expression is the
full and normal one.
The training must be begun when the child
is in the loving mood. — Sometimes the young
child refuses obedience, or denies the request of
the parent, or even declares that he does not
love him. It is useless to try to secure the ex-
pression of love when it is not in the heart. With
such a child it is when the caress or the loving
word is offered, that the opportunity comes.
When it is offered, the parent should make the
most of it. Especially, the proffered service of
a child which is prompted by a loving heart
should never be thoughtlessly refused.
Love for God is to be fostered and developed
in the same way. — First of all the child must
associate God with his real pleasures. To a child
the promise of heaven or of spiritual blessings
makes small appeal. But he can really thank
God for the joys of springtime and summer
and autumn and winter; for flowers and birds, and
fruits and nuts, and winter snows. He can respond
to the thought of God's care of him in the dreaded
wakeful hours of night, or when at dusk he
passes through the lonely wood. As youth comes
on his heart will go out to the Saviour who is
touched with the feeling of our infirmities, and
[63 1
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
when the need comes he will turn to the God of
all comfort in his sorrows. The great lesson to
be learned is that love is never aroused by argu-
ment or by the claim of duty, and that it cannot
fail to be stirred when there is revealed a love
which ministers to present happiness.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Is picking up a nine-year-old child's toys, caring for school-
book and rubbers, and relieving a child from all responsibility for
the care of her room, etc., the nght way to stir love for the mother
in a child's heart?
2. A mother said to the writer: "When my daughter was a child
I lived for her. Now she is sixteen vears old, and she is unwilling
to assist in the simplest duties of the home. Why is she so selfish?"
Can you suggest an explanation which is based upon the mother's
own account of the conditions?
3. What shall a mother do when a young child comes with a
broom "to help mother" and sweeps the dust the wrong way? Or
when she offers to wipe the costly china or dust the bric-a-brac?
4. In answer to the catechism question, "Why should we love
and honor God?" a boy said, "Because he made cranberry sauce
and redeemed me." The printed answer was, "Because he made,
preserves, and redeemed me." The reason for the mistake is appar-
ent, but what bearing has the answer upon the problem of how to
lead the child to love God?
I64I
VII
TRAINING THE CHILD IN UNSELFISH-
NESS AND KINDNESS
The love of neighbor as of self is one of the two
fundamental requirements of Jesus' summary of
the law. In his general teachings it was at least
equally emphasized with the other. The atti-
tude of helpfulness toward others is at the founda-
tion of our whole conception of morality. But
while the effort of mora! education centers very
largely about the culture of these feelings, it has
not been commonly realized that there is a defi-
nite feeling that prompts man to unselfishness and
helpfulness in his relations with others and that
it is as capable of definite training as are fear or
anger or any other of the feelings.
Perhaps for this reason most of the books on
child-training neglect definite discussion of it,
and touch upon it incidentally in connection with
other topics. Among the most helpful readings
for the use of parents that are readily accessible
are the following, which should be read in con-
nection with Lessons XIX to XXII: Children's
Rights J by Kate Douglas Wig^in, pp. 1 71-186;
Love and Law in Child Tratningy by Emilie
Poulsson, pp. 152-158; Hotv John and I Brought
Up the Childj by E. Grinnell, pp. 53-65; The
Natural Way^ by Patterson Du Bois, pp. 164^
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
173; As the Twig is Bent, by Susan Chenery, pp.
21-31; Mothers and Sons, by E. Lyttleton, pp.
61-69; -ffi^^J on Early Education (published by
Funk and Wagnalls), pp. 39-43; The Moral In-
struction of Children J by Felix Adler, pp. 218-
232; Studies of Childhood^ by James Sully, pp.
228-251.
[661
J'
•I •
' I.
* r
•s'
TRAINING OF THE CHILD
Lesson XV. The Nature of Altruistic
Feeling
Look not every man on his own things, but every
man also on the things of others. — Phil. 2: 4.
Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law
of Christ. — Gal. 6: 2.
If ye do good to them which do good to you, what
thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.
— Luke 6: 33.
"When the child pulls the cat's tail," so runs the
word, ** don't tell him that the reason he mustn't
puU it is that the cat would scratch him, but tell him
that he mustn't pull it because he would hurt tihe
cat." — Emilie Poulsson.
All actions that are unselfishly directed to the
helping of others, the relieving of their wants,
the lessening of their pains and sorrows, are
prompted by one kind ol feeling which is as dis-
tinct as anger or fear. — This is called " altni'-
istic feeling" that it may be clearly distinguished
from other impulses. As was pointed out in Les-
son XIII, it is commonly called "love," though
that word is confusing, since its first significance
is to describe the love of the child for its parent,
of the Christian for God, and other similar cases
in which the great value of the actions to which
it leads are to the one who loves. This other
feeling which has for its purpose the welfare of
the one who is loved is sometimes called "sym-
pathy," though strictly that term applies to only
one phase of it, the affection for another which
[67]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
I
leads one to suffer with him in sorrow and to
rejoice in his joys. The importance of clearly
distinguishing these two kinds of "love" will
appear in connection with the plans for its train-
ing.
This feeling manifests itself in a great variety
of ways. — The love of a mother for her helpless
child who demands so much of purely unselfish
service is a typical form. Generosity is this
feeling manifested in relation to property.
Humane feeling is its nianifestation toward the
lower animals. Mercy or forgiveness is altruistic
feeling triumphing over anger. Its manifesta-
tions in the ordinary relations of life we call
unselfishness. The missionary spirit is its mani-
festation in relation to religion. We may plan
to develop each one of these separately, but it
is possible so to train the root impulse of all that
the development of each of these phases will be
greatly aided.
This spirit of unselfishness and active kindness
is stirred by the realization of another's need. —
It cannot be awakened by an argument. To
declare that unselfishness is a duty does not bring
the feeling into being. But the simple, vivid
story of great need which a child can supply
does awaken the impulse to help. The sight of
the actual situation and the intimate knowledge
that comes from personal association is many times
more effective. The average person will give
ten times as much to relieve the wants of one
poor child whom he has seen crying from hunger
as he will to relieve thousands whom he knows
to be in actual danger of starvation in Russia or
India. This fact, that it is the natural response
[68J
TRAINING THE CHILD
to certain conditions about the child, makes it
measurably possible to stimulate it at will. Just
as the realization of danger stirs fear in the child,
just as the realization that be is being wronged
stirs anger, so the vivid realization of the need
and opportunity for service which he can render
stirs in his hea»t the impulse of love for those who
cannot serve him,, but whose need of service is
apparent.
QUESJ'IONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Is the distinctitr between love, and altruistic feeling dear?
2. What are the tiu;«imstance8 that stimulate love of the kind
studied in Lessons XIlI and XIV?
3. Mention illustrations of love that you have observed in chil-
dren.
4. Mention cases of altruistic feeling manifested by children.
5. Why is it important that the parent or teacher should dis-
tinguish between the t\ o kinds of love?
I69I
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson XVI. The Natural Development op
Unselfishness
The most distant acquaintance with the first years
of human life tells us that young children have much
in common with the lower animals. Their character-
istic passions and impulses are centered in self and the
satisfaction of its wants. . . . But if a child has his
outbursts of temper he has also his fits of tenderness.
— James Sully.
One of the greatest pleasures which is offered is
that of being allowed to "help" somebody. ... He
knows the joy of ministering to others.
— Kate Douglas Wiggin.
Unselfishiiess is rare among the lower animals.
— Fear and anger are as apparent among them as
in man, but sacrifice of self for the welfare of
others has little place. Almost the sole manifes-
tation of this feeling which appears is in the rela-
tions of parents with the young, and in case of the
father it is not nearly as strong as in the mother.
The one other case in which it often appears
among the lower animals is the case of those that
go in flocks or herds. Among these the leader
of the flock, usually the oldest male, does defend
the weaker members. Except in these relations,
selfishness is practically universal among ani-
mals. Even where mother love is most marked
it lasts only during the infancy of the young.
The hen or the mother cat will share its food with
its young at first, but before they are fully grown
they are ruthlessly driven away until the parent's
appetite is satisfied. Adults fight with each other
I 70]
TRAINING THE CHILD
for food and for every other pleasure which they
know.
Men of the lower races show little of unselfish
love for others. — Infanticide is common among
savages. The killing of parents when they become
old and feeble is not unknown as a regular prac-
tise. There is little or no sympathy for the
sick, and where individual property rights are
recognized there is little disposition to share with
the poor. Their enemies are killed without hesi-
tation, but often after prolonged and excruciat-
ing torture. As we study men who are higher
in the scale of development we find a gradual
softening of their natures, and an increase in
the readiness to practise self-denial for the
sake of others. Yet, in the days of Christ the
sight of men and women torn to pieces by wild
beasts was a popular recreation.
Our Christian ancestors showed much less of
altruistic feeling than the men of today who are
outside of the Church. — During the middle ages
men and women were condemned to the most
terrible tortures because of heresies that today
would not shut them out of our churches. People
gathered in crowds to witness their sufferings,
and shouted with laughter at their contortions.
In the days of Queen Elizabeth, some four hun-
dred years ago, five persons out of every thousand
were executed as criminals, and the stealing of
a sheep was far from the least of the crimes for
which death was the penalty. In New England
aged men and women were pressed to death as
witches. Bear-baiting, cock-fighting, dog-fight-
ing, and pigeon-shootine were the recreations of
our fathers. War was Far more cruel fifty years
[71]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
ago, and today arbitration is averting it in many
cases. It is plain that our present standards
of kindness and unselfishness have been very
recently attained by the race.
The chttd is much less sympathetic and unself-
ish than the youth or the adult. — At first thought
many parents will question this statement, but
a very little observation will confirm it. That
children are easily influenced by adults to seem-
ing unselfishness at times is quite apparent, but
when there is a real case of self-denial the inner
impulses appear. The young child demands
what he wants without regard to the effect of
his demand upon the happiness of others. Quar-
reling is common among children for the same
reason. They are often exceedingly selfish in
their attitude toward their parents when they
are asked to assist in home duties. Frequently
children are very cruel to the lower animals, and
often to their playmates as well. These and many
other facts indicate that unselfishness and kind-
ness are not as natural to the child as are the
directly ^ self-preservative feelings, such as fear,
anger, and love. In youth, however, there is a
very marked development of unselfishness, and at
sixteen or seventeen years of age it often becomes
so strong a motive as to determine the choice of
a life-work, as in the case of the missionary, the
minister, and sometimes the physician and nurse.
These facts are in harmony with a well estab-
lished law of the development of human nature.
Those traits that are late attainments of the
race appear later in the life of the child, and are
not nearly so certain to appear at all. They need
culture by the parent ana teacher if the diild is
l72]
TRAINING THE CHILD
to reach the highest standard. No normal child
needs to be taught to get angry when he is
wronged. Nor does he need to be taught to desire
property. But it is necessary to teach him to
control anger and the desire for gain by altru-
istic feeling, because this feeling is so weak as
yet that it does not instinctively do so. One
important lesson of this study of the develop-
ment of unselfishness is the emphasis upon the
fact that it is a virtue that must he taught. The
selfish impulses are instinctive; this is only partly
so.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. In the lesson it is intimated that the apparent unselfishness
of some little children is really manifested when there is no very
Sieat demand for actual self-denial. Do you accept this as fact?
ring cases that you have observed which substantiate your posi-
tion.
2. Does the lesson imply that there is no unselfishness in young
children? If there were none, would any efforts for training them
in unselfishness be of avail?
3. What changes in the line of added unselfishness and tender-
ness toward the unfortunate have appeared in the common standards
of the people generally during your memory?
4. Give from your own observation illustrations of the growing
unselfishness of young people as they enter adolescence.
5. Do you see any good reason why young children should be
more selfish than adults? Is it to be expected that children will
ever be at ready to sacrifice themselves and their vital interests as
adults are?
6. While unselfishness directly seeks the welfare of others, does it
indirectlv benefit the individual? Is it true that it does (or that it
does not) in every case?
C73I
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson XVII. The Culture of
Unselfishness
Seek to give outward form to the feelings that stir
the child's heart. — Friedrich Froebel.
Any working of the feelings without opportunity
to act is likely to result in impairment. It produces a
soft sentimentality. — Patterson Du Bois.
The first step is to reveal to a child another's
need and his own opportunity to help. — As has
already been indicated, the more that this can be
done through personal observation and direct con-
tact with the actual conditions, the more effect-
ive will it be. Giving playthings to be sent to
city slums or Western frontier has exceedingly
little value in the education of the child if he
simply sees them put into a barrel " to be sent
to the missionary." If the children to whom
they will go, and their lack of the ordinary
pleasures of the children who give, are vividly
described, it will have much greater value. If
the child can be enabled actually to see such
conditions near his own home, and so more fully
realize the need, the experience will be far more
helpful. Without the appreciation of real need,
the feeling cannot arise. It is said that a queen
of France, when told that the people were dying
for lack of bread, said, "Why do they not eat
cake?" Mythical as it probably is, the story
illustrates the principle.
This feeling, like every other, grows through
exercise. — To lead it to frequent expression is
[74]
TRAINING THE CHILD
to provide that it shall have a larger and more
permanent place in the nature of the individual
who has this experience. The one who practises
self-denial grows more ready to do so. To do
kind deeds is to make it more easy to do them.
This is as true of the child as of the adult, provided
the act is really prompted by the unselfish impulse.
Hence it is possible for the parent very largely
to control the development of this side of the
child's character. By planning that he shall
become conscious of the need of others, and of
his ability to aid them in some way, it is pos-
sible to secure the stirring of the feeling; by
wisely directing the manifestation of the feel-
ing it is given a certain education. For the
child's own sake the parent should often ask
some service of him. For the effect upon his
character the parent should search out oppor-
tunities to bring him in touch with real want or
suffering of such a kind as the child himself can
aid in relieving.
The stirring of altniistic feeling has little or
no value unless it results in the real effort to cor-
rect the conditions that occasioned it. — Tears
and words of commiseration have a place if there
is no means of rendering aid, but they are not
the normal expression of these feelings. They
are nature's means of relieving the strain when
no active response is possible. But if the feelings
are frequently stirred when the action is not pos-
sible, there is a tendency to form the habit of
expressing sympathy only in this way. So it is
safe to say that it is not wise for the child to have
frequent knowledge of suffering that he cannot
relieve to some extent. When the child does
[75]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
manifest the feeling it should always be led to
some practical outcome.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. What are some of the practicable ways of making the aeeds
of others outside the home known to the child?
2. Mention additional ways in which a child can really lessen
the suffering or add to the welfare of others.
3. What are the best opportunities for the training of altruistic
feeling in the home?
4. What are some of the best ways of giving this training to ten-
year-old boys? To girls of the same age?
5. Have you used the methods that the lesson advocates? If
so, with what success?
[76I
TRAINING THE CHILD
Lesson XVIII. Some Things to Avoid
Giving to those they love is a pleasure to children
as well as to "grown-up" people and sometimes we
don't let them have enough of this pleasure, but stunt
the generous impulses by . . . failing to encourage
effort and self-denial on their part.
— Mary G. Trask.
There is such a thing as putting too much pressure
on children to be self-sacrificing. ... In the effort
to excite right feelings in their children, fathers pro-
voke them to wrath. — Patterson Du Bois.
Never refuse the proffered service of a child
that is prompted by the impulse to help another.
— Sometimes the particular act that the child
proposes may not be really helpful, or it may
require more than the child can give in justice
to himself, but always the helpful or sympathetic
spirit should be led to some act that means real
aid for the one who is helped and some measure
of self-denial for the helper. If the child's own
?lan can be carried out, so much the better,
f it cannot, some wiser one in which he can
have a vital part should be substituted for it,
and to this new plan the child's hearty assent
should be won.
To command an unselfish act against the child's
will must have an unfortunate effect upon charac-
ter. — The feeling that is stirred at the time the
act is performed is one of resentment, and the
feeling that one's rights are interfered with.
The actual result of such training is usually to
cause a reaction against such unselfish impulses
[771
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
as already exist. There is, of course, no real
unselfishness in the act, and it is the other feel-
ings that are stirred that are being strengthened
through exercise. There are times when the
parent must interfere in the interests of justice,
but if compulsion is used it should be on the
score of justice, and not in the guise of an incen-
tive to unselfishness.
To reward an unselfish act can hardly fail to
stir a selfish motive to take the place of a gener-
ous one. — We must remember that unselfish-
ness is its own reward. And it is a sufficient one.
The most that the parent should do is to^all the
child's attention to the pleasure that has come
to the one who is helped. Even carefully guarded
praise of unselfishness almost always serves to
substitute a new impulse for the generous one
that had been aroused. Miss Harrison tells of
two children who, while they were left alone by
their parents, lay down to sleep, the older one
giving all of the one covering to the younger
because she complained of being cold. Upon
the return of the parents the unselfish child
was rewarded with candy. When they were next
left alone she bent all her energies to getting her
little sister to go to bed and use all the coverings
— in order that she might receive more candy!
So was a really unselfish impulse perverted by a
thoughtless parent..
Any expression of altruistic feeling that is sug-
gested by the parent should be suited to the
development of the child's sympathies. — The
young child's heart goes out to those who are
near to his own life, and only to such. He can
feel deeply for children niore readily than for
[78]
TRAINING THE CHILD
adults; his heart goes out morQ easily to those
who have the same interests as himself than to
those whose lives are very different; he responds
to suffering such as he can appreciate through
his own experiences rather than to that which
is much greater, but which he has never known.
It is in the home and school and the immediate
neighborhood that the most valuable oppor-
tunities for his training are found. It is a false
pseudo-sympathy that is stirred when one tries
to lead him far outside this small but constantly
widening circle. The best way to secure the
broader sympathy is to make the most of the
really spontaneous narrower one in these early
years.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
I.' A mother who was beginning such training of her little daughter
as has been advocated told her of children who had no playthings,
and asked what should be done about it. The child said, **1 will
give them my best doll." The mother said: "Oh, no! You must not
do that, for you will want it to play with yourself. You may give
them the old one that you had last year." What would be the effect
of such training upon the development of unselfishness in the child?
Should the child be encouraged to do as she proposed?
2. Suppose in such a case you feared that the child would repent
of her generosity and wish the doll back, thus defeating the end of
the training, how would you deal with the case?
3. A little girl had given up a pleasure that it might be enjoyed
by a poor child of her acquaintance. An older friend of the family
said, "I am sure that you were very generous to do that." The
mother hastily interposed, "I am sure that it made Annie very happy,
and that makes my little daughter happy, too, does it not?" What
feeling would each remark tend to awaken in the child's heart?
4. Is giving to foreign missions the best training in altruism for
a girl of five years? Why?
l79l
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson XIX. The Moral Value of Playing
WITH Dolls
Altruistic feeling had its origin in motherhood,
and it has reached no greater heights of self-
denial and service than in that same relationship.
In playing with her doll the child is in thought
and feeline making that experience her own.
At a very formative period of her life it gives her
much the same training that the race has received
through the actual experience. The following
references will be helpful to the parent who wishes
to make the most of the opportunities thus
afforded: Studies of Childhood^ by James Sully,
pp. 42-51 and 492-493; Childhood, by Mrs. The-
odore W. Birney, pp. 90-98; Children's Rights j
by Kate Douglas Wiggin, pp. 49-67; Studies in
Imagination, by Lillian H. Chalmers, Pedagog-
ical Seminary, Vol. VII, pp. 111-123; A Study of
Dolby by Ellis and Hall, Pedagogical Seminary,
Vol. IV, pp. 129-175; Play Interests of Children,
by Mrs. Frederick Burke, Northwestern Monthly,
Vol IX, pp. 349-355^
"Take away the doll, you erase from the heart
and head feelings, images, poetry, aspiration, experi-
ence, ready for application to real life."
That boys are naturally fond of and should play
with dolls there is abundant indication.
— Ellis and Hall.
Every mother knows the development of tender-
ness and motherliness that goes on in her little girl
through the nursing and petting and teaching and
caring for her doll. — Kate jDouglas Wiggin.
[80]
TRAINING THE CHILD
The educational value of dolls is enormous. • • •
It educates the heart and will more than the intellect,
and to learn how to control and apply it will be to dis-
cover a new instrument in education of the very high-
est potency. — G. Stanley Hall.
Every impulse toward loving care of the doll
should be encouraged. — To the child in her
play it is a living child, and hence the experience
provides the same kind of emotional training that
would come from the care of a baby, without
the obvious disadvantages to the infant. When
the child declares that her doll will be lonely or
cold at night, the wise step, from the point of
view of moral education, is to meet her half-way
and say, "Very well you may put her bed close
beside yours," or, "You may cover her with the
warm blanket." In time she will discover the
facts and they will come to her without a shock.
But if the mother says, "She is only a doll; she
cannot feel," not only does the loving impulse
fail of expression, but the child only half believes
what is said; and if she acts upon the suggestion
it really means unkindness upon her part, and
that feeling is the one that is strengthened.
The extent to which a doll can be cared for
as if it were a child is the measure of its educa-
tional value. — The one that can be dressed and
undressed, bathed, fed, and freely cared for at
any time is far better than the expensive one that
is easily injured and whose finery must not be
soiled. The fact that the rag doll or the rubber
doll is often the one most dearly loved by the
child is evidence that this statement is war-
ranted, and that to act upon the suggestion is
not to lessen the pleasure of the child.
[8i]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Doll-play in boys should be encouraged, but
as they grow older not to the discouragement of
more virile amusements. — The tender side of
fatherhood has hardly reached the development
that it deserves in the average man, and further
progress in that line need not involve sacrifice
of any other qualities that are desirable. Tender-
ness toward children need not disqualify a man
for success in business, nor even as a soldier.
It is to be expected that the boy will earlier lose
his interest in such play, but while it lasts it
is one of the important opportunities of moral
education.
In time doll-play naturally gives place to the
care of pets or of young children, and such a
tendency should be encouraged. — As the child
grows older she gradually comes to realize that
the plaything does not in any way respond to
her loving care. Then comes a tendency, often
intermittent at first, to turn from the doll to
these living creatures as objects of her tender
feelings. It is the next step in nature*s curricu-
lum of moral education, and sympathetic feelings
receive larger development in this way.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Can you suggest any substitutes for doll-play that have the
same educational value?
2. How would you deal with the child who treats her doll un-
kindly?
3. When a child cries at bedtime because her doll has been left
out of doors what would you do about it?
4. Did the "teddy-bear" craze interfere with the training that
has been suggested above? Study the way that the children played
with the bears as a guide to the answer.
5. From the point of view of the child's welfare and pleasure,
what added value, if any, have very large and expensive dolls?
[82]
L
ISTESING u the Birds
TRAINING THE CHILD
Lesson XX. Training in Kindness to the
Lower Animals
Kindness to animals is one of the expressions
of altruistic feeling, and hence is a means of its
education. Animals have some rights that should
be regarded, but kindness toward them is even
Qiore important on account of its effect upon
character. In addition to the readings suggested
at the opening of Topic VI, which deal with the
general development of the feeling, helpful sug-
gestions will be found in the following references:
Our Children^ by Paul Carus, pp. 46-49; the pub-
lications of The American Humane Education
Society, Boston, Mass.; those of local Humane
Societies, of the Audubon Societies, etc. Many
recent books on nature study will be helpful,
especially Nature Study and Life, by C. F. Hodge,
and How to Attract the Birds, by Gilbert Traf-
ton; Black Beauty, by Anna Sewell, and many sto-
ries by Ernest Thompson Seton will be useful to
put in the hands of children.
A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast.
— Proverbs 12:10.
Nothing softens the heart more than tenderness and
protection extended to the lower creation.
— Marshall Saunders.
We are all in the same boat, both animals and men.
You cannot promote kindness to one without bene-
fiting the other. — Edward Everett Hale.
Hunting and fishing are good outdoor exercises,
but they can be tolerated only on the condition that
[83]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
the mind does not dwell upon the havoc that is caused
in animal life.
— Paul Carus.
Certain impulses in the child tend toward
cruelty. — First of all, the child commonly does
not realize the suffering that he often causes the
little creatures that are within his power. The
contortions of a tortured animal give him delight
because he is entirely ignorant of its pain. Curi-
osity and delight in unusual activities often prompt
the child to unconscious cruelty. The desire to
make collections often leads to the taking of
birds' eggs, the collecting of insects, and the
mounting of the skins of birds and animals.
The hunting impulse, which was the means of
protection and subsistence of many generations
of our ancestors is to a certain extent instinc-
tive in the child. It finds manifestation in the
tendency to kill small animals, in the use of the
air-gun to shoot birds, and later in the pursuit
of game with more formidable weapons. Some of
these recreations have legitimate place within cer-
tain limits but they need wise guidance and careful
oversight, in case of the younger children and
youth, if they are not to work injury to character.
In positive training, one of the first points to
be guarded is that of example. — As far as is
possible young children should be shielded from
the sight of the taking of life either in the case
of pests or of animals used for food. In the city
home this i$ not difficult, but on the farm it will
require thoughtful planning. When the child
is old enough to realize the necessity of such
taking of life, and when it is effected without
[84]
TRAINING THE CHILD
suffering to the creature, such a policy of con-
cealment is hardly wise. Especial care should be
observed that life is never wantonly taken or
suffering needlessly inflicted by those with whom
the child is associated. A child may easily be
hardened by what he observes in the conduct
of servants or playmates.
Another step toward the correction of the
unfortunate tendencies of child nature that are
mentioned above is to inform the cliild as to the
sufferings that his thoughtless conduct may
cause, — Some parents have caused a child who
neglected to feed his pets to go without a meal,
not so much as a retribution as that he might
learn to sympathize with them. One way of
giving positive training is by reading or provid-
ing for the child such stories as are mentioned
above. Most of these stories are overdrawn in
that they represent the mental life of the lower
animals as too much like our own, but it can
hardly be doubted that their influence is good on
the whole.
The best of all training is of the direct and
positive kind. — This is that by which the child
is led to the active expression of kindness to the
creatures. The care of pets has great value here.
The child who is trained to really kind and
thoughtful provision for their welfare is learning
lessons of tenderness that will appear in many
other relations. Besides this, very much can be
accomplished by leading the child to provide
food, shelter, and protection for wild animals and
birds. Though it is not commonly realized it
is true that children can easily tame wild squir-
rels and birds to such an extent that they will
[85]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
feed from their hands. It is particularly easy
to attract birds about the house by providing
nesting places and food. In country and village
this can always be done, and usually in the city,
if there is a tree on the lawn, by methods described
in the books mentioned above. The moral
value of such relationships with living creatures
is very great, and they afford th^ greatest pleas-
ure to children. Hunting with the camera is
even more attractive to the youth than hunting
with the gun.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. What 18 the real value of games such as are used in the kin-
dergarten, in which the children represent caterpillars, butterflies,
birds, etc.?
2. A little child found a sick mouse and asked permission to care
for it. The mother's first thought can be easily imagined. Think-
ing that there was an opportunity for the culture of the child's feel-
ings of sympathy, she gave him a box of cotton to equip the hospital.
>\liat do you think of this?
3. Before night the mouse died, there was a funeral in the back
yard, and the mother forgot the incident. Several days later she
asked the child to play out of doors because her head ached. He
said, "Oh, mamma, you go to bed and I will take care of you."
"You can't do it, you don't know how," said the mother. "Oh,
yes, I do," said he; "I learned how taking care of that little mouse."
Had the boy really learned anything that was worth while?
4. There are often inconveniences attached to the keeping of
pets; are there any real dangers of disadvantage to the child?
5. What pets are most desirable? Why?
[86]
TRAINING THE CHILD
Lesson XXL Training the Child in
Courtesy
Courtesy is the formal manifestation of kind-
ness. Though it may begin only as a form it
may react upon character. It is as closely
related to morality as to convention. References
to literature dealing with this phase of the child's
training will be found as indicated in the follow-
ing list of books: Childhood, by Mrs. Theodore
Birney, pp. 1 18-126; Hints on Child Training,
by H. Clay Trumbull, pp. 165-174; Child Cul-
ture in the Home, by Martha B. Mosher, pp.
164-18 1 ; Household Education, by Harriet Marti-
neau, pp. 295-360; Making the Best of Our Chil-
dren, by Mary Wood-Allen, pp. 11 3-1 28 and
193-200; The M other* s Book, by Lydia Maria
Childs, pp. 109-120 (old-fashioned forms, but
wise suggestions for training); Hints on Early
Education, published by Funk & Wagnalls, pp.
74-77; Concerning Children, by Charlotte Per-
kins Oilman, pp. 169-199; Bits of Home Talk, by
Helen Hunt Jackson, pp. 28-38, 65-70.
Be tenderly aflFectioned one to another; in honor
preferring one another. — Rom. 12 : 10.
Do nothing through faction or through vainglory,
but in lowliness of mind each counting other better
than himself; hot looking each of you to his own things,
but each of you also to the things of others.
— Phil. 2:3, 4.
Good breeding is made up of a multitude of petty
sacrifices.
— Anon.
(871
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
The first requisite of good manners is self-forget-
fulness. — Mrs. Theodore W. Birney.
Courtesy is the external manifestation of a right
spirit toward others. — H. Clay Trumbull.
No child can become truly courteous unless he is
so in the every-day life of his home.
— Martha B. Mosher.
With all our care, however, we are not to expect
that the manners of children will be superior to those
of the persons with whom they habitually associate.
— Hints on Early Education.
"Hold your tongue!" says the mother. "Hold
yours!" answers the child and is promptly whipped
for impertinence. "FU teach you to answer me like
that!" says angry mamma. And she does.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
Politeness is tlie formal expression of sympa-
thetic and kindly feeling toward others. — No
mere forms are essential to true courtesy. A
gentleman will reveal his spirit however ignorant
of social conventions he may be. The most
essential step in the formation of the child's man-
ners, then, is such training in unselfishness and
thoughtfulness for others as has been suggested
in preceding lessons. But certain opportunities
for kindness and service are so common that the
courteous ways of meeting them can be formally
taught. To observe these involves a reaction
upon the nature of the child and gives his unself-
ish impulses further culture.
Courtesy in the treatment of the child is of
the greatest importance. — Indeed, after the
[88]
TRAINING THE CHILD
general training in thoughtfulness for others
nothing has greater influence in shaping the
child's standards and habits of politeness. Many
a parent who is scrupulously courteous to guests
and even to servants is far from polite in ordi-
nary dealings with the child. At least ninety-
nine times in the hundred nothing is lost and
much is gained by making requests instead of
commands. And the unnecessary command is
sometimes the least objectionable form of dis-
courtesy which children are compelled to endure.
To require from children that which they do not
receive in their relations with others in the home
is an inconsistency which they cannot fail to
perceive and resent.
Cotirtesy should be the regular rule and prac-
tise of the home. — The formality that would
be expected among strangers is surely out of place
in the familiar relations of home life, but the
essential spirit of courtesy may be preserved
without the stiffness and unnaturalness that
characterized a child's relations with his parents
a hundred years ago. The child who is selfish
and boorish in his relations with his brother,
sister, and the servants cannot radically change
his conduct when he is associated with others
outside the home. If by long practise in the
application of two standards the adult may
seem to do it, the lack of sincerity in his "com-
pany manners" is sure to appear in time. By
the child even such a sham cannot be maintained.
The ease and self-possession that society
admires is the result of self-forgetfulness. —
Hence when the child is to be placed in an unfa-
miliar social environment the greatest aid to good
[89]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
appearance is encouragement to seek the pleas-
ure of others. Unselfishness and naturalness are
the essence of good manners, and both are fos-
tered when the child's thoughts are turned from
himself to those with whom h^ is associated.
This very evident fact simply eftiphasizes anew
that politeness is the expression of unselfishness
and that the training in kindness^ is the essential
thing.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. If a child has been accustomed to commands, are there likely
to be difficulties in controlling him if requests are substituted? If
so, how may they be overcome? j
2. Just what polite forms should be required of children in their
relations with each other in the home? ^'
3. Is the emphasis upon the use of the word '* please," which is
common in some homes, a really vital point in the training of cour-
tesy? Is there danger that it may sometimes obscure the apprecia-
tion of things that are essential?
4. Give from your own observation incidents illustrating suc-
cess or failure in training in courtesy, with reasons for the same as
far as they appeared.
[fol
TRAINING THE CHILD
t
Lesson XXIL Training the Child to an
Interest in Missions
>
The mission^yry spirit is the broadest expres-
sion of altruist*c feeling that we know. Relig-
ion, morality, of^ even good citizenship urge
toward such ajfi>-. attitude. If this spirit con-
trolled the world today wars would cease and
poverty would vanish. Surely it is to be cul-
tivated in the heart of the child. Such effort
as has been m^4^ to this end has been chiefly
by the Church, and most of the literature, so far
as it deals with the training of children, has to
do with the Sunday school; still it has some val-
uable suggestions for the home if they are wisely
adapted. Some of the most helpful references of
this kind will be found in courses of mission study
for primary and junior grades published by the
Missionary Education Movement, 156 Fifth
Avenue, New York, and by various denomina-
tions. Seven Little Sisters, by Jane Andrews,
and similiar books used by kindergartners will
help in introducing the children of other lands;
books like The Children of the PooTj by Jacob
Riis, will give the parent information that will
open the way to an interest in city missionary
work; missionary papers for children, and espe-
cially the magazine " Everyland," 150 Fifth
Avenue, New York, will be helpful.
Let us carry missions into the Sunday school pri-
marily for the sake of our children themselves, that
they may come to their largest development. The
[91 1
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
immediate raising of money is a trivial thing as com-
pared with this great aim.
— J. T. McFarland.
*'The spirit of sharing and self-giving that all mis-
sion study reveals to him will stimulate in him a desire
and will call on him for the practise of sharing his
possessions and giving of himself for the good of
others. Indeed, as the * mighty ideal marches before
him' its vision will allure him to its ever widening
circles of activity, his growing soul will respond until
he will count all men his brethren and will enter into
that universal fellowship which is realized in the com-
munion of saints and symbolized in the Church of
God."
The child's missionary training must begin
through his relations with those whom he can
see and whose needs he can understand. — If
the natural development of his unselfish feelings
is to guide the training, before foreign missions
should come home missions, and before home
missions at a distance should come aid for the
needy near his own home. Such service of those
who are near is the best possible training for the
interest in foreign missions, for it is real training
of the impulses that are back of all missionary
effort. As the child grows older and comes to
realize the needs of those whose lives differ more
from his own, his interest will naturally broaden
and he will readily respond to further instruction.
At first the needs of children will bring the
largest response. — His own experiences have
not yet prepared him to sympathize with the
adult. To him "the heathen" are very vague
and unreal, but "a little boy in Africa" brings
a real response from intellect and heart. The
[9*1
TRAINING THE CHILD
best missionary instruction for young children
is given in stories of the children of other lands.
After such knowledge is given he can think and
pray and give in a way that will enlarge his own
heart.
The more that the missionary instruction
appeals to his senses the more effective it will
be. — The use of pictures, curios, toy villages of
pagan peoples, etc., will help to make the strange
life real to him. Dolls dressed to represent his
little brothers and sisters of far-away lands will
give more concreteness and reality to his con-
ception of those whom he is to serve and the
conditions that are to be corrected.
Giving for missions has educational value in
proportion as it is really the child's gift. — The
one contribution that is the product of effort or
self-denial on his part has far greater influence
in shaping character than many nominal gifts
that are furnished by another. It is not difficult
to secure such offerings if the instruction has
been of the kind outlined above.
The more definitely the gift is applied to the
meeting of particular needs the greater its reflex
influence is. — Great earthquakes, famines, and
similar calamities offer especial opportunities for
such training, for they bring conclitions of need
that the child can readily comprehend. Best of
all, from the educational point of view, is giving
to meet the needs of a particular child. If in
such cases the recipient's name can be known, his
picture seen, letters received from him, the per-
sonal element is magnified, and the effect upon
the character of the giver is correspondingly
increased. As the child grows older the distinctly
1 93]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
religious motive can be more largely emphasized,
and when he has learned how the money is used
in many ways to meet the individual needs he
may give to the cause in general.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. What gifts can children make for other children of home or
foreign mission fields?
2. In what definite ways may they practise self-denial to save
money for gifts for mission work for children?
3. What kinds of doll-play would you suggest as practical way^
of carrying out the suggestion made above?
4. Do children enjoy working and giving for such purposes as
have been indicated above?
[94]
VIII
TRAINING THE CHILD TO REGARD
PROPERTY RIGHTS
The desire for property is a universal human
impulse. Without it man could hardly rise
above the animal level of existence. It affords
one the great means of rendering to others help
of many kinds. Disregard of property rights
is the chief source of crime. Two of the ten^
commandments are concerned with the right
attitude toward the property rights of others.
The book of Proverbs is filled with exhortations
to industry and frugality. The New Testament
places great emphasis upon the duties of honesty
and generosity. Surely the training of the child
in regard to these things is one of the great duties
of the parent.
Helpful discussions of the topics which are
presented in Lessons VI to IX will be found in
the following books : Gentle Measures in the Train-
ing of the Young J by Jacob Abbott, pp. 268-280;
Our Children, by Paul Carus, pp. 34-45; Child--
hood, by Mrs. Theodore Birney, pp. 127-135; The
Place of the Story in Early Education, by Sarah
Wiltse — essay on *^ Learning to Use money, ^^
pp. 93-98; Studies in Education,\o\. II, edited by
Earl Barnes, paper on " Ought Children to be Paid
for Domestic Service? ^^ by Blanche Dismorr,
[951
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
pp. 62-70; As the Twig is Bentj by Susan Chenery,
pp. 64-77, 105-115.
A particularly helpful discussion of several
phases of the subject is found in an article on
^^ Learning to Use Money, ^^ by Mrs. Luther
Gulick in The American Kitchen Magazine, Vol.
XV, tsfo. 2.
Property: Its Origin and Development, by Charles
Letoumeau, gives a full and not very technical
discussion of the way in which the feeling for
property has developed in the human race.
[96]
REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS
Lesson XXIII. How the Sense of Property
Rights Develops
If any will not work, neither let him eat.
— 2 Thess. 3 : lo.
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is needful for me:
Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is Jehovah?
Or lest I be poor, and steal. — Proverbs 30 : 8, 9.
The way in which a man spends his money is often
one of the surest tests of his character.
— William Matthews.
The child who is taught at an early age the legiti-
mate province of money will not be apt, as he grows
older, to worship it or to fawn upon those who possess
large wealth. — Mrs. Theodore Birney.
What the desire for property means. — It is
the impulse to provide from present plenty for
the time of future need. All races of men possess
it to some extent, and it becomes more prominent
in those that rise to the higher levels of civiliza-
tion and culture. It enables man by industry
and forethought to free himself from the drudg-
ery of constant effort to supply the physical
necessities of life, and makes it possible for him
to provide for the higher needs of his nature.
Money or other property is an equivalent for
labor and affords a means of storing the product
of one's effort. It affords a means of exchanging
one's own labor for that of another. Its posses-
sion makes it possible for one to aid others who
are at a distance, and in ways which his own
[97]
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
strength and skill would not permit. The desire
for property, then, is a worthy impulse which is
to be encouraged in the child.
The origin of property. — Among the lowest
savages such property as is known is chiefly held
in common, and may be used by any member of
the tribe according to his need. This is the case
with the wild fruits and grains, the animals
taken in the chase, and the booty of war. So
the man uses as a rude tool the first suitable
stone that he finds, or wrenches from a tree a
branch that will serve him as a club; both of these
he casts aside when his need is satisfied, and the
next one who passes may have them if he wishes.
But by and by the savage sharpens and pol-
ishes the stone, and carves the handle of the
club which he had selected with particular care:
then they become his property. He has expended
effort upon them, has added to their value by his
own labor, and now he asserts his right to them.
Such was the beginning of individual property
rights. They were based upon the creation of
values.
The young child's natural sense of property
rights. — The natural impulse of the young
child is like that of the savages who hold things
in common. He takes what he needs from the
general store. He demands things simply be-
cause he wants them. Only gradually does he
learn that certain things are his and that certain
other things belong to others. Commonly this
is taught him in a perfectly arbitrary way through
prohibitions and commands and punishments
which are not reenforced by any impulses within
his own nature.
[98]
REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS
Nature's plan (and that means God's plan)
seems to be that he should learn as the race has
done, that he should rise out of the sense of a
common ownership in the home of the property
which supplies his ordinary wants to that of
individual ownership through the creation of
values himself. It is only as he has property
of his own that he can really appreciate the prop-
erty rights of others. It is only as he makes
things or works to earn them, that he can feel
the real basis for property rights. If this be true,
as soon as it is possible the child should have
property of his own, and he should be encour-
aged to gain it by his own effort.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
f . Is there any other real basis for property rights than the fact
•that the owner has in some way created value by his effort?
2. Can a child learn to respect the property rights of others with-
out any experience in controlling property of his own?
3. Should a parent use a child s property without his consent?
4. How far should a parent interfere to prevent a child from
destroying his own proper^? Might there be a loss that would over-
balance the financial one? ,
5. Should the child of well-to-do parents be discouraged from
earning money by labor or by some small business enterprise out-
side the home?
6. Can a child be paid for services in the home without encourag-
ing selfishness? Should he be paid for all services or for only a few?
7. Is it better to give a child an allowance, or to give him oppor-
tunity to earn?
1991
CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson XXIV. Training the Child in
Honesty
Just balances, just weights, just ephah, and a just
hin shall ye have. — Lev. 19: 36.
Let him that stole, steal no more: but rather let him
labor. — Eph. 4: 28.
It will be good, too, if children begin young to earn
money, but this ought not to be done at the expense
of their education, nor in any way that would prac-
tically amount to begging, but in actually accomplish-
ing some useful work tnat possesses a value to the party
who pays for it. — Paul Carus.
The first step toward a just reward for the
property rights of others is to possess property
of one's own. — -The average boy has vague ideas
of property rights in fruit, for example; but let
him make a strawberry bed of his own, pull the
weeds, water the plants, hoe them, watch the
blossoms as they come, and count the ripening
berries. He is now able to take a new view of
the rights of the neighboring farmer. So the boy
who has made a kite or a toy wagon has learned
much more than the use of tools ; it has become
possible for him to sympathize with other owners.
But the possession of property which has not
been earned tends to weaken the regard for
others' rights. — To get something for nothing
fosters the feeling that the rights of property
may be based upon might or cuiming as well
as upon labor put forth and service rendered.
Even the giving of a regular allowance is not as
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REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS
helpful as the provision of an opportunity to
earn, and for this reason the first should never
wholly displace the second.
Trade and barter among the children may
afford a moral discipline if wisely guided. — There
is a natural tendency toward this that appears
in most children by the time that they have
reached ten years of age. Because of the child's
lack of good judgment it is often discouraged
by the parent, or, on the other hand, especial
sharpness in driving bargains is commended by
them. By explaining to the child that the under-
lying principle of trade is not to get more than
one gives, but to exchange what another desires
for what is more valuable to one's self, it can be
made to contribute to character.
The child who takes or injures another's prpp-
erty should replace it Sy his own labor. — If the
parent makes restitution the one who has been
injured does not suffer, but the character of the
child who did the wrong does. The making of
restitution on his own part gives him precisely
the lesson that enables him to understand the
nature of the wrong that he has done.
A CASE FOR DISCUSSION
A boy of twelve years obtained ten dollars by a method which
he knew to be of very questionable honesty. When it was discov-
ered his mother said, "The boy should have a bank account of his
own that he may know what it is to own property." She proposed
to start it with these ten dollars.
1. How far was she ri^ht, and how far wrong?
2. What form of punishment might wisely be used in such a
case?
3. Where Is it probable that mistakes had been made in the
former training of the boy?
4« How would you deal with such a case?
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CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
Lesson XXV. Training the Child in
Prudence and Frugality
He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man:
He that loveth wine and oil shall not be rich.
There is precious treasure and oil in the dwelling
of the wise;
But a foolish man swalloweth it up.
— Proverbs 21:17, 20.
There is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it
tendeth only to want. — Proverbs i i : 24.
One of the most important parts of the education
of both girls and boys ... is to teach them the proper
management of money. And this may very effect-
ively be done by giving them a fixed and definite
income to manage, and then throwing upon them the
responsibility of the management of it, with such a
degree of guidance, encouragement, and aid as a
parent can easily render. — Jacob Abbott.
Prudence and frugality in the use of money
have a moral value. — The wasteful use of money
almost invariably involves self-indulgence and a
pursuit of pleasure that weakens character.
Aside from this it gives rise to two conditions
that form temi^tation to dishonesty: it develops
a habit of spending money freely, and at the same
time exhausts the resources for expenditure. To
learn to use with prudence and wisdom one's
own property removes the strongest incentives
to trespass upon the property rights of others.
Avarice and the miserly spirit are perversions
of this virtue. — These must be guarded against
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REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS
in the training. When one seeks to gather money
beyond his prospective needs, when he comes to
value it not for its purchasing value but as an
end in itself, the normal desire for property with
which nature has equipped the child has been
turned aside from its natural development. To
save simply for the sake of saving is not a virtue.
Teaching the child to save his money must be
thoughtfully and wisely done, or it may encourage
the spirit of greed and the habit of hoarding.
The child's natural impulse is to use his money
for immediate gratification. — In most of his
interests the young child lives in and for the
present. He has very vague conceptions of the
wants and needs of tomorrow. Say to the five-
year-old, " I will give you this stick of candy now,
or if you will wait a week you may have five
sticks," and almost invariably he will choose one
stick at the present time. Make the same offer
to a ten-year-old child and the result will be
reversed, because the future is more real to him.
This disposition of the young child to prefer a
present pleasure to a much greater one at a future
time is the one that is to be gradually counter-
acted by the training in frugality and prudence.
The child learns to use money wisely not by
saving, but by spending. — To permit a child to
earn regularly, or to give him a small but definite,
allowance and guide him in the wise use of it,
will develop traits of character that could not be
encouraged by a gift of money to be deposited
in a bank. Even young children may be advan-
tageously dealt with in this way, and may learn
to spend wisely and to save for future use if the
expenditures are fully discussed, but the child is
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CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE
left to make the final decision and to suffer the
consequences of unwise choice. (Several of the
readings recommended above, particularly those
by Gulick and Abbott, discuss methods in detail.)
A CASE FOR DISCUSSION
A Christian mother, in evident dittress of mind, told a friend
that her son had been guilty of dishonesty, and asked for advice.
When he asked the circumstances she repliea, ''He has taken money
from his bank to buy candy." "From his bank?" said the friend.
"Well," said the mother, "that is what he said when I punished him,
but the money was not given him to spend but to save."
1. Is it wise to "give" a child money that is not really his?
2. Is it wise to permit a child to spend all or most of his money
for candy?
3. Is urging the child to save for no purpose in particular the
best mode of counteracting such a tendency or desire?
4. Suppose the parents had encouraged the child to deny him-
self candy at least a part of the time for several weeks that he might
buy a kite. Suppose that as he grew older he was led to save for a
longer period that he might buy a fishing-rod. Suppose that still
later he saved for a year or for several years to duv a watch or
bicycle. He would not have his money in the bank, but would he
have anvthing to compensate for that lack?
5. What discipline of character would he have gained?
6. What is the relation of such training to economy and thrift?
s .
[104]
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